Falling away

i walked on for so long,
came so far
i struggled on, but still did not let go
i thought that i had it made,
that i was finally on the right track
that i was finally making some progress
i thought that such a time would never come,
and yet it did

never thought that part of me would be so hard to give up
but yet even now i refuse to let go of it
that shadow from my past,
that nightmare i long wanted to forget
it still comes back to me
i want to let go of it,
but part of me refuses.

i struggled so much it hurt,
so i decided to numb the pain.
want to stop, but circumstances just keep pounding
so many people around me,
advicing me, telling me what to do
sticking their hands into an area they dont even grasp
what God doesnt dig up,
man chooses to unearth
such stupidity it irks me

one struggle after another
no place of comfort
no one to turn to
no one understands
everyone simply yakking on about what they deem correct
so tired of pleasing others
so tired of even trying
tired of considering about others

So numb, so tired
just want to run away from it all
just feel like falling away
into that hole of self-centeredness
Just want to let go
to stop having to struggle and get carried away
to let someone else do the labour
gave so much yet....

i do not have what it takes to face it anymore
no more strength
just plain tired
just wanna feed my carnality
so i let go
turn my back
give up
walk in the other direction
fall away