moving on

Finally getting my head outta the nonsense,
coming back to Him,
never knew how empty life could get until i started to walk away.

Realised my real depth,
probably 3 inches, maybe less
rash, tempermental, irrational idiot that i am.

Anyways, been drowning in sch work,
But ya, i think it's time to get less distracted, spend more time with Him.

I only wish i had someone to share with again.
Argh, i miss dom, xie, and having cc as a cell leader

Its abit/alot hard finding ppl to share with when im defensive as this,
well I shot myself in the foot i guess,

anyway, good to know that there are many Christians in the school
seems like such an obvious statement,
but truth is, I'm just beginning to realise that there are so many ppl who are so interested and enamoured with God
maybe their not in sfc but ya, they are serious bout him

hmm, maybe comforting to know tt some of these are more interoverted,
more serious about depth, and a more intellectual enjoyment of Him,

I wish it were easier to return to that point again, where he took my whole attention(and affection) so easily.

hmm, met some really interesting ppl in sch,
interoverted ppl with less self-confidence who lean to a more perceptive disposition.
hmm, love is in the air?
ahahhahah, sorry crapping

anyway, i think there is beauty in sadness, in defeat, in quiet ppl who are crushed, messed up and struggling,
maybe tts bcos i try to pretend im beautiful, ahahhaha
but really, its comforting to know that there are such ppl around who try,
maybe i ought to try harder.

there is a beauty in grey, in the undefined, ambigousity and uncertainty that often clouds ones(my) mind,
a comfort in black, in the nothingness, in the void that remains when all else fades away,
a depth in blue, the mournful acceptance of reality, its cold unforgiving taste that makes us cry out to God again.

Well, here i go,
Gonna cry out to God,
and abandon myself to his will again
Who am i doing this for?
maybe her,
who cares, He's gonna change my perspective anyway if i let him