the pork chops turned out not bad
and bjj today was fun, even though i grappled mostly with intermediate guys
and ended up getting thrashed

glen lent me a book on conflict in a church and how to maintain sanity
ive only read the first chapter and i think its speaking loads to me already

i think ive honestly lost trust in the church as a collective whole due to my past experiences
its not that the churches ive visited to have been badly flawed
although every church isnt perfect
its just
im scared i guess, of having to face the flaws of any church again and potentially have to let myself be hurt by them

i have an even bigger aversion to cell groups
cos
well i think my past experiences having been shuffled from one cell to the next has left me subconsciously disillusioned and wary of opening up in any cell again

being brutally honest, i think im more open to guys i meet at the bjj class?
at least they'll only hurt me physically by accident, and maybe squash my ego abit

the u2ish post wasnt really directed at anybody?
i guess i was really just trying to voice out my disillusionment