And I'll hang on to you
Cause you're stronger
And you keep me from falling
And you brighten the world
With your beauty
Keep me closer
I'm calling

Lookin' out like a little child
Holding tight when it all gets wild

And I'll hang on to you
Nothing in this world will see me through, only you
And I'll hang on to you
Everyday I live I give to you

And your love it is true
I feel stronger
And I'm happy to know you
Cause you shine like the sun
And you're brighter
Than the darkness
That's falling

Nothing in this world
Could ever take your place
Happiness is found
In your holy face
In your warm embrace



ive decided to find my way back,

not some big life changing decision, at least for now i'll have no idea,

not that i know how, or the when and the where

but i think the biggest change is that at least now i dont want to fall away anymore



its funny how i was expecting this change of mindset to follow some big event

some great spiritual encounter, a burning bush or the back of God on the mountaintop but it wasnt , there's plenty of pathos; how the biggest choice is the one made in ambiguity and out of no compulsion, i wanted to call it a paradigm shift, but what happened doesnt have the dramatic flair that those words suggests....



maybe thats why it was so long coming

because i wanted the fire and the wind and the earthquake, the booming voice and the bright light

and i didnt even get a small voice



im not even sure how it happened

i just suddenly had the desire and the will to want back



so thank you God, for being the supplier of the will and the desire, an any appetite at all for You

and thank you whoever's kept me in prayer

if there are any people at all



and im blogging about all this, although it's more fitting for a journal entry

because i never successfully kept a journal

and i want to record it somewhere that wont end up under a pile of stuff

to remind myself of my decision

making an altar of remembrance seems like a better idea but i dont think i want to erect one anywhere