what happened to grace

acceptance, fellowship, comradeship, fruits of a promised land?
if so, why has it become so lacking, so lacking in the place where it abounds

sure
to the people who "matter" they recieve alot of attention.....
but then again, wouldnt they recieve the same elsewhere?
for all we've preached on love....
how can we love those out there, when we cant even love our own....
or wait
do we even consider them our own?

grace
amazing
really amazing
what have we done to care for the broken and the depressed in our midst
why do we gossip
why do we joke
sure its entertaining but for how long
and at what price
when we laugh it hurts
either that or it hurts others

have we gone past the healthy phase to a place i fear that we've trod on
i'm tired
really
not from lack of sleep at least
or not entirely
its the gnawing weariness, the inexplicable distaught i experience
are we that far off?
or are we missing the mark completely

do we really believe we can reach them out there
when our own are still crying
are still broken
are still lost

have gone from ministry to social group?
have we made a fool of grace?

we learn, bit by bit, we learn

well as my title states, promos are over,
so is open house, so is the crazy rush and prep for both
interesting really
the results are out
i got physicsB, chem A, math A, F math-B, Gp-B3, chinese-D7.
quite good i guess
thank God for the grades.

but what i really want to keep in mind are those who dont automatically promote.
hai
not too few i noe
hmm
less than 30 points
i have no right to say life is fair.... cos ya
i seem to be on the fairer more blessed side...
while i guess there are many who would steal kill and erm well
hmm
who would rather be in my predicament...
but ya
the world sucks at times
and
hmm
i have no words to encourage those who studied hard but have nothing to show for it

the world is unfair.
equally unfair...
not tt knowing tt helps much

honestly ive run out of energy, motivation and juice to blog everyday
haha
and ya,
i guess ive realised my motives, and hmm,
well exhibitionism only lasts as long as u have something u want to show

but well
i guess i have something to share
that being a predicament of mine
the predicament of faith
its strange really,
so much has changed in the recent few years of my life because of "faith"
but change for the better?
i can only hope

it saddens me, to have to admit that it hasnt been always up
in fact at this point, i darent not say my spiritual life has overall improved
im probably only a couple of steps from the first

faith,
something i dare not seperate myself from
but something of which the consequences i dares not bear....
cruel irony, but its not tt which cuts my heart the most
i guess the most painful truth is that ive known Hm for so long, and professed Hm for so long
and i suppose, for a time, lived Him.
but the truth is
where i am now
its almost like a joke
fallen back
maybe worse than before
and all this while in full knowledge of how much He has done
it hurts, also to know He's forgiven me for that...

predicaments,
hai

revival is coming
its not a matter of whether or not
in fact it may already be in motion
the signs are around
i guess the question is
will i be left out of it
left struggling with myself, while others are carried along on the wave
sometimes its this which i fear the most.
which is abit sad
considering that often im not scared of displeasing Him
well
a quote suitable for an ending, but hmm authorwise maybe not

we learn, bit by bit, we learn

back to the narrow path

hai,
i wasted away so much time
complaining griping about my predicaments
and now,
hai
now i just seem so far away from the path i should have been on
hmm
well
at least i've realised my mistake
at least
hehe
anyways
just a piece of advice to those out there who happen to chance across this
hmm
firstly, always spend time with Him
nvr forfeit it for anything
secondly, never forfeit ur participation in ur local church,
hmm
no matter how left out u may feel at times
even if nobody is there for u
at least u belong.... i think, or something like that
thirdly, never get to involved in ur ideas of pessimism,
never romanticise pessimsim, apathy or the like
fourthly, never allow urself grey areas in ur convictions
always be sure of ur stand towards issues, at least issues which are in ur immediate vicinity.
fifthly, never allow ureself to imagine that you have a chance with certain people around u
sixthly, never agree to go out one on one with such a person
seventhly, when it comes to certain issues, nvr let ur hopes get too up, and ya, never let such issues cloud ur judgement or stand
well there are jeremy's 7 pieces of advice
courtesy of the regrets i have had to face over this year
hmm
at least im learning,
i hope

muggers unite

this past week ive been in school mugging everyday
hmm
sorry to those i couldnt meet up with due to this commitment requirement from the sfc chers
hmm
well at least i got a headstart i my revision
haha
hai
i think my mind got warped in the process
25 hours....
hai

Elva Luthien Tinuvel

My new wife, hehe
yeah
new guitar,
i bought it from lillian chew, hmm
good deal mans, then i got jarvis to install a mammoth ivory saddle
jarvis is the man man, hehe
now she sounds so sweet, and has a greater depth,
woah
haha
here are her specs
Top : Solid Spruce
Back & Sides : Wild Cherry
Neck : Silver Leaf Maple
Fingerboard & Bridge : Rosewood
Tusq® nut and compensated saddle
Finish : Semi-Gloss Lacquer
i got the bridge pins changed to black ivory with abalone bits, hmm and ya the saddle is now a mammoth ivory compensated one,
and yeah
she has elixer polywebs,

becoming a mugger

hmm
promos slowly creeping in
i must start to mugg
its inevitable
either that or
hmm
well
what can i do?
ahaha
anyways
to all those who read my blog
sorry for not posting consistantly
unlike some arts fac buggers
like cough cough Mr Lian cough cough
i am not really free...
ahahahah
anyways
i figure its time to start doing some constructive again
hmm
so many things to do in the mean time
hmm
what matters?
in the past
the answer to that question morphed, and ya
basically underwent some fundamental transitions
and i still havent figured it out fully
but hmm
its time to get my head out of my ass
outta my self pity
and procrastination
and do something
i'll leave it to ambiguity and my descretion to decided on concrete plans and actions
ahha
so ya
pray for me
that i will mugg hard
and ya
do my best to glorify God

for those who understand,
for those who care
for thsoe who know me and know what this means
there is a new star in the evening sky
wahahahah
ok nvr mind
u didnt need to noe
so don ask who
what id rather blog about is this strange sentiment,
the unexplained tightening in the gut
hmm

its quite strange
sometimes we go looking
go seeking after some not very edifying thing
and we end up getting more than we bargained for

sometimes
we just happen to be lazing around minding our own business
and it ends up that a certain someone waltzs by
our nose picks up a whiff of foriegn cologne,
our heads turn, we glance around trying hard not to appear to be staring
admire, and maybe goggle too much
hahaha
but seriously

i mean its really ironic
take for example
Joshua Harris, all respect to him
after a bestseller-i kissed dating goodbye,
he gets married and writes- boy meets girl
ahhaha
ok
personally i prefer the cover of i kissed dating goodbye
but well
covers dun make a book
and ya
who am i, some unqualified protaganist,
to make assumptions on books i havent read

anyways
i personally think all this infatuation is not worth it
although it does add colour and vibrance to school life
makes it slightly easier to wake up in the morning
and to stay awake during lectures
makes pe and morning runs less torturous,
makes borin times in the canteen when we just sit stone and stare less boring and more fruitful
as if....
haha
u do the math
hahah
but ya
i think its time i thank God for bringing me through a season
hmm
a rather strange and foriegn season to me

a time of great stupidity,
of infatuations
and the like
of boyish fantasies
uncomfortable stares,
thumping hearts
hormonal imbalances and a couple of other retarded adjectives.
hmm
eye candy is bad
u could get diabetes,
or at least into alot of uncomfortability and deep shit
hahaha
but really
i must give glory to God
for bringing me through a time
when i let my primitive side run loose
and was ruled by hormones rather than logic
where i allowed emotions to cloud my morality and judgement.
hmm
im sorry to anyone who i might have disturbed with any of my wierd stares
or to anyone who might have been hurt by unwarrented comments and strange messages if any
hmm
but ya
i guess ive gotten more used to being around venitians...
took some time i must admit....
bah... sas only breeds monks and despos
hahaha