i feel like ive forgotten how to breathe
im underwater, without a tank
this cloud all around, pressing down, making hard to be

i got into the CN Yang scholars programme which is really cool beans

mmm
on a slightly more somber note
now i must skip bjj on sat and go hide in jb thanks to tan chao yuan

gosh
cant a guy survive his birthday in peace

ive lost my muse
any idea where i can find one at half price?

yesterday was a really interesting day

in the afternoon i went to ps to participate in the blood donation drive
some people think blood donation is a painful and scary business
but it isnt really?

the worse pain comes from the needle prick they do to ur finger to test the iron content of ur blood

the only other thing that hurts is when they administer the localised anesthetic, which hurts abit cause they inject liquid under your skin
that being said, the part that hurts isnt the needle going in, cos they even give u some anesthesia to ur skin b4 that

all in all, giving blood is one thing u can do to help others in need??
i mean, u dont even need to put in much effort
and u get free milo, raisins and biscuits afterwards

went to watch Much Ado About Nothing after that with Joel Lian
which was kinda weird at first
bcos most of the audience that went comprised of couples,
which made us feel kinda odd, as two guys going together

it was an enjoyable experience, watching shakespear the way shakespear was intended
out in the open, in a more rowdy setting
adrain pang was good
but i felt the rest of the cast couldnt or didnt match his energy
the comedic parts were engaging
but sadly the melodramatic parts and romantic parts werent very believable
the cast chemistry also was quite lacking

we did the italian picnic thing
which involved buying bread, cured meats, and cheese
it was alot better than our attempt in rome in which, the bread was too much, and too hard
the wine was too sour
and well, too much of everything
this time by comparison, in the immortal words of borat
a great success

had high tea/dim sum buffet at zhou's kitchen at anchorpoint yesterday

its one of the best dim sum buffets ive gone to

you have to order all the food, none of it is al fresco
but i guess its kinda fresher because of that

and after stuffing our faces
we went over to ikea to lie down on couches

havent done retarded stuff like sampling couch after couch in a long time
gosh

the pork chops turned out not bad
and bjj today was fun, even though i grappled mostly with intermediate guys
and ended up getting thrashed

glen lent me a book on conflict in a church and how to maintain sanity
ive only read the first chapter and i think its speaking loads to me already

i think ive honestly lost trust in the church as a collective whole due to my past experiences
its not that the churches ive visited to have been badly flawed
although every church isnt perfect
its just
im scared i guess, of having to face the flaws of any church again and potentially have to let myself be hurt by them

i have an even bigger aversion to cell groups
cos
well i think my past experiences having been shuffled from one cell to the next has left me subconsciously disillusioned and wary of opening up in any cell again

being brutally honest, i think im more open to guys i meet at the bjj class?
at least they'll only hurt me physically by accident, and maybe squash my ego abit

the u2ish post wasnt really directed at anybody?
i guess i was really just trying to voice out my disillusionment

im constantly amazed at how much of an imbecile and buffoon i am

seems that i wont be satiated till i break down every good thing i have going for me
sorry