im getting alot of weekends burnt until national day parade
so yeah
dun expect for updates
but here's one
just to breath some life into these dry bones

To love is to risk not being loved in return.
But risk we must, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing

Pulled all of that off someone elses blog

i would've made a commentry on it but well
ive just realised im in no position to
love, i dun know well enough
fear, maybe too well

anyways at this point id really just like to thank someone
for really encouraging me,
for being there (well maybe not in person)
hmm
well at least for paying attention to me
the messages you send me, may not seem like much
but they do lift my spirits when im feeling down in camp
thanks for being that special special encouragement

anyways,
just some random thoughts:


i've been wondering if He were to ask me
"do you love me?"

how would i answer
how could i answer
i'd love to say yes
and mean it
but how could i dare

i dont love Him with my time
i dont love Him with my money
i dont even dare to lose face for Him

but i dont dare say i dont
because
well
because im scared to
to admit that maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with my faith
something wrong with me

that even with everything He's ever done in me and done for me, i havent learnt how to love Him back

at least St. Peter dared to answer that he loved Jesus at least at the level of a friend

am i too cold to feel
too hard to save
too close to the edge to make it back

a writer i love wrote(not word for word cos i cant rmbr)

that its in the realization that we dont feel like loving God, or dont love God much
that we come to love Him more

i guess its in realising that id so often chose some other distraction
some other fix instead of Him,
i guess its then i find my feet
and can walk to Him

well
its not much
but i figure at least if He asks me
"Do you love me?"
i know what to say



help me to