its strange how some places bring back the most nostalgic memories
my sis had her bdae lunch today at some super posh jap restaurant that our dad used to bring us to alot when we were younger

pastor said we should count our blessings
and i guess ive never really really appreciated my dad as much as i should have
most people would be fortunate to have a father whom provides for their material needs, especially so if the providence is in abundance
but my dad's been more than that
he's given me both his time and his money,
his emotional support
his transport
hehe

well
i guess not everyone has the fortune of having a dad in semi-retirement
but yeah

im beginning to wonder
does he regret retiring so early
i mean, to go from corporate powerhouse
to superdad
haha
to being the centre of attention in the company to the centre of attention in a parents support group
thats a big jump
and not upwards
at least not in alot of ways

to go back to a place where the luxury was taken for granted
where everything "went on the tab"

i wonder, if there was a tinge of lostness of disorientation
to know one has become something so different from what one was
prestige and all
and yet
im thankful that he gave us his time
so much of it
self-sacrifice
i thought i knew what that meant
the biblical perspective and all
i guess we gain new insight to truths everyday
today not withstanding

to go from high up on the corporate ladder
to lavishing all energies on fetching his kids around
hmm

not the biggest hero in the eyes of this material world

the morose dignity of humility
to know that one is a mere shadow of prior status and still have to keep one's head up
if my earthly father loved me that much... much more my heavenly one

something that greatly interested me as well
hmm
well at a group of tables nearby
i think there was an extended family eating
grandma, grown-adult kids and all
and the grandma made a fuss over wanting to pay the bill, drawing money to pay the bill and all

and the question is raised
as much as money is a tool, and all
and status and prestige are facets of social structure
when we dont live up to certain levels of expectation, mostly selfexpectation
there is a certain shame in that
not being as lavish or famous as before
hmm
so this is agape love
to give of yourself
in the ways that matter
the ways that hurt