ive been tussling with the question of identity for some time
well not really tussling
tussling would imply active resistance
well
maybe ive been giving it some feeble second glances

i think i can safetly say that one thing my generation lacks is a sense of identity
for one, we're part of a generation that hates labels,
well
at least i hate labels
i hate labels, stereotypes, archetypes and anything that follows.....
i feel that limiting oneself by saying that i am this or that....
seems to put a person on two dimensions
even the label christian, which is supposed to be a joy to bear, seems to have attached to itself all kinds of right wing fundamentalism that makes one cringe
honestly, i think we christians havent portrayed the best image of ourself and of the one we're supposed to stand for

yes yes, im starting the whole diatribe again
granted we are God ordained in this world
my point is that we arent doing our job very well

so moving beyond that, back to labels
the previous generation seemed all about labels,
you are what you wear
or what you do
or what you behave like
being the quintessential something
my generation inherited this trait in its own heterozygous form
we strive to be whatever the label is
but when its applied to us
we hate it

we realise for one that there should be so so much more outside of something we're called, or something we end up doing
we find ourselves trapped in a rut, knowing the trap ahead of us but unable to turn away

sometimes i wonder which is worse
becoming another faceless nameless title, an afterthought, a whisper in the wind
or the anticipation of it,
knowing that we'd probably amount to not much but not able to find anything else

in sophies world, which is a translation of a norweigean book by the way,
one point raised is that the trait of a good philosopher is the capacity for wonder
i think on that point alone i have no future in philosophy
maybe i did at one point
then i grew old
ok
maybe i just grew cynical

and it is true,
that despite all the pessimism that we can garner from the world around us
(ppl who insist that optimism is a natural state obviously dont know alot)
(disclaimer: optimism, well true optimism, in my opinion is a state which requires alot of work if one isnt ignorant of course and is only mastered by the best of us; if ur an ignoramus being an optimist is normal... i mean sure u shd be mourning the lack of depth of ur mind but u probably arent capable of that)
there is alot to be in awe and wonder about

an epiphany came as i was walking back to hall
what does God say about the labels
i mean sure, He labelled himself as certain things, if i may respectfully put it that way

seems strange
that in my "backsliden state" i can dare to talk about God

He calls himself love, and goodness and kindness and just and all that jazz
but when Moses asked who God was
i mean sure He called Himself the God if Abraham Issac and Jacob
but He also called Himself "I AM WHO I AM"

well that wasnt how my thought train flowed
i dun think im holy enough for that
but i think when we apply labels too easily
like
i am a student
or you are a cudgel wielding simian, the progeny of a toad
we tend to focus on the second part so much we forget about the first part
the miracle and burden of existance

the very fact that we are, as opposed to nothingness
i mean sure we can be all cynical about why we're alive

one of CS Lewis favourite books was Loki Bound a story in which the jotunn Loki was poised and a symphatising light... in this version, Loki opposed Odin not because he was malicious but because he opposed Odin creating men against their will

and while the irony of that idea is indeed appealing
it is also nonsense
there is no alternative to non-existance
there is no what would it be like
because that is nonsense,
if it wasnt
it wouldnt be like anything

of course there would arise the other impt philosophical concept, the question what makes up i
i think therefore i am? or that we are our emotions or our memories or the sum of both or that we are merely physical, carnal beings
i dont think i have an answer to that?
there isnt really an objective answer, each persons answer would be affected by his value system

but thats what makes up part of who we are
our diversity

we arent just our labels
we exist
and our whole is greater than the sum of our parts
usually the whole is greater than the sum of the parts
unless you're considering quantum mechanics
but as with anything, emergent properties exist only when u zoom in or zoom out

so who am i
i am not much
but also so many things
and more importantly than that
i am

so where do i go from there?