the title probably will have nothing to do with the post...
then again, this whole blog probably is the closest thing to spontaneous random
often i start writing something
and by the time im halfway through ive lost the initial inspiration,
and im powering my way through using pure will
i used to think blogging was a form of artistic expression
but looking at my own writing
i guess its probably a playground
for little schoolboys who think of real art, probably similar to what a cow thinks of art
to try and make something out of the sand
hmm
building sandcastles
so often we think and think
but no matter how deep we seem to go
all we need is a little pain, a little reality
and we're back to primitive instinct
hai
so this is what the outer court feels like
to have to look in
im beginning to understand and truly appreciate what someone said some time ago
haah
a synonym for love is time
the first time i heard it i thought what utter rubbish it was
love was love
what did it have to do with time
i guess i had to fall away to realise that time is the one gift we have due to our existance within time-space
when we become part of eternity or when we transcend time
put it whatever way u wish
i guess this commodity will no longer be in our hands
so as the bible says
where our heart is
there our treasure will also be
and time is one of our greatest treasure
taking that view point
i realise that i dont love God
now dont be astonished
i mean
ok
fine
im quite shocked myself
but i suppose looking at the fact that i spent the whole of last week playing 60% computer games during my waking moments
the de facto assumption would be i love com games more than God
which is quite sad
i can understand why Saint Peter could only say he loved God as a friend when asked whether he loved God enough to sacrifice his life for God
hmm
im amazed he could even say that
cos if i was asked that question
i would run from it
deny it
probably find some delusion to catch myself up into
cause the answer just frightens me
then again
the question has always been posed
and i guess ive always been running
Do you love me?
sometimes i wonder if i do at all
since so often my actions and words reflect otherwise
i suppose at this point i shall have to stop and comfort myself that i am probably in the midst of a process whereby i have to learn to love God
but dang
it hurts
the knowledge that saying yes at this point would make me a hypocrite
recently i watched king kong
yes it does rhyme with ping pong but tts not the point
its a good movie
but i cant say i thouroughly enjoyed myself
probably because im embarassed at the fact that the character i identify with the most is black, hairy, and is 20-25 feet tall, and beats his breast after ripping apart T-rexes jaw or any poor creature that makes it mad
hmm
i mean
i like my stubble but really
i guess chris was right in saying that the path we tread is not the easy one
but its the only one we can take
cos if dont take it
well
put it simply
we deny ourselves the only shred of true humanity we ever had
subserveance to God
thats what we were created for i guess
tts y i sigh when we see a beautiful sunset
tts y i close my eyes to escape everytime i get a good americano
tts probably y i like stoning so much too
cos reality is
by twisted nature
we are running towards doom
and our hope is in an upwards struggle
well on a lighter note
ive realised that i havent started my xmas shopping
and it is coming quite soon
hmm
well if ur reading this
and u dont get anything for christmas
dont hold it against me
i started late
dang
my sis got me something
and i dun even noe what she likes
....
hai
well
if im naggy
thats bcos im old
hehe
so i have the right
right.....
for ur info
i think that crazed intoxication is bad
although is spend too much time thinking about it
1 comment:
we have what we have and with what we have we start.
can anybody claim to love God enough? beyond all the ra-rah of the weekened services and the expressions of love, how many of us can really claim love God as much as we to "do" on the weekends?
i don't think God is concerned with if we love Him enough (olf which we never can), but if we want to love Him as much as we can, with what we now have. what do you now have?
maybe it's the guilt, and in an ironic sense, it does prove that you do love God in some way, no matter how broken. for how can one feel any guilt if he really didn't love God at all?
after all who admits he is a thief, a whore and a liar in guilt and fustration unless it is out of some unknowing love for something that should be so much more then what it is now?
it is the people that go weekend after weekend, playing the ritual of religon, indulging in cultural "feel good" Christianity, and thinking that is love enough for God that we should be worried about.
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