character

an epiphany
haha
no
actually i read it from my devotional material
character is who you are when no one is looking
what you are willing to stand for when people are
it is who you strive to be
and what you can be trusted with

well
according to that,
hmm, im a bastard,
and nothing much significant
but anyways
well
enough pessimism for once
amidst all my headaches and heartaches, i think this song has moved me so yeah

I’ve waited all my life to be here face to face.
I never knew that I could feel this kind of grace.
The way You show me that
Your blood has washed me clean,
Could never be erased; it lives inside of me.

Take me to that secret place,
Where I can only see Your Face,
And nothing else will ever feel this way.
You take away my guilty stains,
The things I’ve done that I can’t change,
It’s only by the Power of Your name.

I stand here in this place,
See the Glory on Your Face,
Taken by the wonder of Your name.
I’m desperate for Your touch,
Never needed it so much,
Cause all I want is You.

When all the things around me have fallen to the ground
I’m always thankful for the love in You I’ve found.

who am i

who am i
identity has always posed a philosophical dilemma
but no, i shall not attempt to take on scopes quite beyond me
at least not at my current exposure to intelligent activity

rather, ive been troubled by this question in a more localised sense
who am i
who do i claim to be
what am i actually beyond all the masks and make up

sometimes i dont dare think about it
not because im scared of the possibilities
but rather
my struggle in formulating an answer reflects on how little i know myself
well after certain incidents and some self reflection
ive learnt some new things about myself

im a coward
and a bigot
a pharisee
an elitist
and a brat

well thats a good start i guess
i guess....

well, ive thought of closing down this blog
cos well
its hard to upkeep especially when i dun have com access 5 and a half days a week
but i guess i shall let it live, maybe even if only for a while longer

10 weeks in tekong have pass by
and well
i dun noe why but the last week was probably the most miserable
maybe its because i fell sick
or maybe

hai
entropy is getting to me
whether we like it or not time flows forward
things move on and events cant be reversed
and im left with so many regrets

this cny proves to be the most lonely one yet
with my sis and mom overseas, and the notion of booking in looming
hai

i guess i am an elitist
and maybe alot of things worse than that
i wish

hai

i would give so much just to go back a year or two
but i cant
i guess its about making the most of the present
hopefully i havent screwed it up too much yet

i feel like im sinking
like im losing part of myself
some how i just cant seem to find my place
help me..... please

well, ive thought of closing down this blog
cos well
its hard to upkeep especially when i dun have com access 5 and a half days a week
but i guess i shall let it live, maybe even if only for a while longer

10 weeks in tekong have pass by
and well
i dun noe why but the last week was probably the most miserable
maybe its because i fell sick
or maybe

hai
entropy is getting to me
whether we like it or not time flows forward
things move on and events cant be reversed
and im left with so many regrets

this cny proves to be the most lonely one yet
with my sis and mom overseas, and the notion of booking in looming
hai

i guess i am an elitist
and maybe alot of things worse than that
i wish

hai

i would give so much just to go back a year or two
but i cant
i guess its about making the most of the present
hopefully i havent screwed it up too much yet

i feel like im sinking
like im losing part of myself
some how i just cant seem to find my place
help me..... please

sometimes i dont know how much more i can take
sometimes i just dont know

Betrayal
So many dreams and whims,
so many impeteous dreams
yet all i do is fall
far far by the wayside
sometimes the blood flows
sometimes the tears fall
yet so often the cock crows
and You are three times denied

will i just go on and on on this carousel?
running back and forth like a pandoleum?
how many times before i cant get up?

so weak and frail,
yet i dare pride myself
will i be left weeping bitterly
or has the well run dry already
has winter come?
or is this heart of stone turned from clay colder still?

i dont know when any of this will ned
but i do know this

His grace is sufficient for me
Not simply because it has to be
but because it is...

For He made Him who knew no sin,
sin on our behalf
that we may know the righteousness of God in Him...

will i remain?

im the prodigal that never learnt
the junkie struggling to kick it
countless times i strived to make it
but fall so far from the mark

so is this my babylon
my road of perdition

its tiring to have to get up
sometimes i dun noe why i try

just noe that ive got to keep going
lest i shrivel up and die

wish i could see the pot of gold
but i cant even see the rainbow

wish there was a silver lining
but the skies too dark over

All the times I thought to reach up,
all the times I had to give up.

sometimes i wonder what to make of heaven

if only i could find my way
if only............

sometimes i think im alright alone
but sometimes.........

when the cold wind blows

i wish


so many ifs
but well
not for a lack of intent
but for a lack of capability i suppose