u take all

once again,
i find myself on the outside staring in
i stop awhile and contemplate
the juxtaposition of what is and what could be

my heart, hardened, enclosed
a reflex probably the result of years of hurts
my psyche clouded with doubts
confusion so rampant
yet something compels me to respond
it's probably the way You meant it to be
to respond to Your love, Your gift
even when both my heart and head tugg me in the other direction
i should still respond to You,
i should............

i want to give thanks
really i do,
but my heart is just so hard,
and doubts and uncertainties just flood over me

i want to testify
but the words just don't seem to come out right
my tone pseudo
my register forced
my confession, a masked represntation of my true emotions and thoughts
a hypocritucal statement

i want to pray
but i just cannot count the cost
and my voice falters and fails

let this song to You be the words i can't say
the life i fail to live
let it be the prayer of my heart
the foundation of my will

so i cry out with all i am
this prayer i can neither feel nor mean
i can only hope it reaches Your ears
and that You'd come
and take my all