sent my ipod mini for repairs,
i think im suffering from withdrawal symptoms now,
argh
feel so bored without tt small lousy piece of metal tt served me faithfully till a point....

hai
i used to think i was very smart,
tt i had lots of tact,
tt i knew how to manipulate people,
tot i was a superhero

maybe i was bipolar?
hehe
dunno much now
used to think alot
wonder and doubt
i guess i was wasting my energy
doesnt really matter how much i know
or how much im able to analyse
if i cant do much
doesnt matter

how much is thought worth?
the people i know dont seem to place much value on it

ok
maybe this is a generalization based on the majority
but the truth is that we live in a post-modernistic society
based more on experience and feeling than rational
and so when people choose to ask more questions than is "needed" of them
some people label them as critical

doesnt help much i suppose that most people nowadays now seek for acceptance...
doesnt help much i suppose to think then
wont help u fit in
wait
i guess we wont fit in anyways
does it matter

haha
sadly
the truth is that it matters
it matters because we are human,
we are social creatures
haha
am i
haha

i care
maybe i dun feel sympathy tt often
and i dun say much
dont do much
bah
wad does it matter
i dun noe wad to say or do anymore
i just dont noe
i tot i was smart
but i know tt i was sadly mistaken
like abt so many other things
some deluded fool
no wonder my house of cards collapsed so easily
at least now i dont make any presumptions
maybe because i cant presume anything anymore
or wait
am i deluding myself more
i wish i could say the world was a beautiful place
but then i would be deluding myself
so much hurts
so much rejections and loneliness

i wish i could say the church was a beautiful place
but i guess i couldnt say tt with a straight face

bah
i guess i would be lying if i told u i was a beautiful person
i dont even have a nice personality
hahahahah

no seriously
its not as beautiful as some would make out to believe
too much politics, social dysfunctionalism and
hmm
too much taint of the evil one

but i guess He came down,
lived as one of us
had compassion for us
healed us
met our needs
and died for us

as ugly as that scene was
as much of rejection as He must as felt,
i guess
i guess it was beautiful
in some deep deep way that i fail to see(guess im not very deep)
maybe the church is beautiful, maybe the world aint so ugly
but i guess i still cant say im beautiful
hehe
guess i shd go work on my personality, not rich enough fo surgery, hahahahha
then again, maybe im just deluding myself again,