the angst

The lies, the discrimination, the anger,
all symptoms of my inability to live for You
Its disturbing that after so long, i haven't changed much
Have i changed at all?
Maybe yes, but is it enough?
I want more, i want to change faster
I'm so tired of failing, so tired of thes poor excuse for a christian.
I'm tired of people not being able to see God's love pouring out from me
Teach me Lord how to love again
Is it too much to ask, that you change me?
That you use me?
i thought i was mature, but i'm still childish
I thought i had grown but in reality it wasnot by much
I thought that i had changed, but i'm still just as weak
I thought that i had surrendered, but im still held on
i thought that i had yielded, but i'm still sitting on the throne
Im just so so far from the end point
and im worn out
Tird of knowing the path to walk but not perservering on it
this makes me feel so wretched inside
to know his grace, his mercy, his love his power
but unwilling to submit
So weak, so frail, so helpless
Lord help me
Change me grow me
mature me use me
dont let me fall
im slipping Lord
hold onto me