struggle

Why is it so hard for me to struggle?
Why do I find it so hard to give it up when for others it seems so easy?
Is it me? Why can other people seem so fruitful and full of love, while i find it so hard to be effective?
Why can't my life be surrendered to You?
Why do some people find it so easy to live for You?
Why do I find it so hard to be pure, to be holy?
Why do i find it so hard to desire for your will in my life?
I'm so lost, i'm so confused.
Others see me as good, as mature, holy, God fearing
but I know i'm not
You know i'm not.
I'm just a fool, just an idiot
Lord, fix me up.
It's killing me inside, this constant struggle,
this internal conflict.
Lord i want to go to a deeper level,
I want to mature, to grow.
Help me Lord.
I don't want to continue struggling.
I want people to start noticing the change in me
I want to start taking action.
Lord, i want to start be your reflector.
I know you've done so much, but Lord it doesnt seem to be enough
I want more, i need more
I'm so far from Your voice.
Im so paralysed
I can't seem t want to do Your will.
I don't desire to pray and intercede,
I don't feel like loving Your people.
I don't feel like testifying Your goodness
WHy can others want what You want so easily
How come they feel like following You
Why are their paths so clear cut, so unclouded
Wo clear, no confusion
Why can't i grow, why can't i reach a higher level?
Above this playing field where i stuffle and doubt
Why can't i simply do Your work and long after Your will?