surrender

Surrender,
all that i am,
my will,
my thoughts,
my struggles,
my pessimism,
my desires,
my flesh.
Am i able to?
I hold on so tightly,
to my own crowns.
The very thorns that pierce my side,
in my stupidity i hold dear.
When you pull at them,
i refuse to let go,
my hands bleed, my heart aches.
I'm left trapped in a state of wretchedness
unable to forsake You,
yet not willing to lay down my crowns
Wanting to grow,
yet not cutting loose the constraints
I cry out in pain and despair
Why is it so hard to surrender, why must it be so pain?
WHy is it so hard to let go?
Lord help me