Argh

There is a new storm building up within me.
so many wild thoughts flying around
so many vague emotions welling up within me
I try to make some sense of it,
but i'm too caught up with the circumstance then to find the root
The discrimination, the irritation,
my own ability to love others
My complacency, my fallacies
my pride, my self sufficiency,
my own will.
Have i not died to self?
Have i not denied my flesh?
or do i continue to sit on the throne of my own life

Oh Lord, that you will help me to lay down my life before You.
That You will help me to take up my cross.
I want to live for You
I want to shine for You
I want the depths, the reccesses of my heart to cry out and long for You.
I want to be on fire,
to have true zeal
a zeal not dampened by circumstances or emotions.
There must be more Lord.
Why is this vessel, this instrument so dull, so blunt?
Why am i so ineffective?
unable to do Your will.
Is it because of my pride? or my own will?
Isit because of the way i think?
Am i caught up too much in my own thoughts that I can't do anything
Why can't i cry out?
Help me Lord
I can't even seem to yield
Give me the ability to