so much has happened so fast, too fast.
don't think i'll try to describe in detail.
the issue btwn a monkey and a bear, issues of the other members of my cell,
my own struggle with my family, with loving God, with being on fire,
with submitting and surrendering to God
seeing my best friend, xie, have family problems, he backslided, for abt 4 mths

got really tired with it all.
felt so much like quitting my walk
felt so much like just wallowing there and letting the burden fall to someone else
felt like giving up and not having to worry anymore
felt like slacking

but i guess God has been really gracious. He pulled me through it all, and at least up to now, i havent let go of his life line yet.
i guess he has been using this period of time to mould me and shape me
even though it hasnt been pleasant.
one of the most clear cut changes is that now i'm no longer so reserved in doing things and saying things.
just too tired with not doing anything.
i guess i also learnt to rely on God more,
to put problems in his hands,
learnt to pour out my feelings and thoughts to him,
to communicate more with him.

i really want to thank some people who have encouraged me in this time, and have allowed God to use them to speak to me.
they are Glen and Caryn- for enduring all my rubbish and giving me counsel, Dom- for listening to me and mentoring me, Ling Quan-for lending a ear and encouraging me, Cheryl Chen- for being my cell leader, Xie- for not backsliding all the way, my other cell members- for the things you said, Teresa- for lending me that book which really spoke to me, you have encouraged me so much, my "granddaughters" for getting on track with God and being so encouraging