Psalm 38
A psalm of David. A petition.
1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
2 For your arrows have pierced me,
and your hand has come down upon me.

3 Because of your wrath there is no health in my body;
my bones have no soundness because of my sin.

4 My guilt has overwhelmed me
like a burden too heavy to bear.

5 My wounds fester and are loathsome
because of my sinful folly.

6 I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.

7 My back is filled with searing pain;
there is no health in my body.

8 I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.

9 All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.

10 My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.

11 My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds;
my neighbors stay far away.

12 Those who seek my life set their traps,
those who would harm me talk of my ruin;
all day long they plot deception.

13 I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear,
like a mute, who cannot open his mouth;

14 I have become like a man who does not hear,
whose mouth can offer no reply.

15 I wait for you, O LORD;
you will answer, O Lord my God.

16 For I said, "Do not let them gloat
or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips."

17 For I am about to fall,
and my pain is ever with me.

18 I confess my iniquity;
I am troubled by my sin.

19 Many are those who are my vigorous enemies;
those who hate me without reason are numerous.

20 Those who repay my good with evil
slander me when I pursue what is good.

21 O LORD, do not forsake me;
be not far from me, O my God.

22 Come quickly to help me,
O Lord my Savior.

Lamentations 1:6-7

6 All the splendor has departed from the Daughter of Zion. Her princes are like deer that find no pasture; in weakness they have fled before the pursuer.
7 In the days of her affliction and wandering Jerusalem remembers all the treasures that were hers in days of old. When her people fell into enemy hands, there was no one to help her. Her enemies looked at her and laughed at her destruction.

I miss the vision of a white fortress on a hill,

its adamency, its strength,

the hope it gave to men.

I miss the splendour of Your presence,

my source of strength, my source of joy

I miss Your embrace, they love, the peace, the joy, the hope You gave me

I miss the tears i shed, tears which You stored up and treasured.

I miss the sound of Your voice, as i communed with You everyday.

Jesus, take me back in

Dun be far off anymore,

come and take me, quickly

moving on

Finally getting my head outta the nonsense,
coming back to Him,
never knew how empty life could get until i started to walk away.

Realised my real depth,
probably 3 inches, maybe less
rash, tempermental, irrational idiot that i am.

Anyways, been drowning in sch work,
But ya, i think it's time to get less distracted, spend more time with Him.

I only wish i had someone to share with again.
Argh, i miss dom, xie, and having cc as a cell leader

Its abit/alot hard finding ppl to share with when im defensive as this,
well I shot myself in the foot i guess,

anyway, good to know that there are many Christians in the school
seems like such an obvious statement,
but truth is, I'm just beginning to realise that there are so many ppl who are so interested and enamoured with God
maybe their not in sfc but ya, they are serious bout him

hmm, maybe comforting to know tt some of these are more interoverted,
more serious about depth, and a more intellectual enjoyment of Him,

I wish it were easier to return to that point again, where he took my whole attention(and affection) so easily.

hmm, met some really interesting ppl in sch,
interoverted ppl with less self-confidence who lean to a more perceptive disposition.
hmm, love is in the air?
ahahhahah, sorry crapping

anyway, i think there is beauty in sadness, in defeat, in quiet ppl who are crushed, messed up and struggling,
maybe tts bcos i try to pretend im beautiful, ahahhaha
but really, its comforting to know that there are such ppl around who try,
maybe i ought to try harder.

there is a beauty in grey, in the undefined, ambigousity and uncertainty that often clouds ones(my) mind,
a comfort in black, in the nothingness, in the void that remains when all else fades away,
a depth in blue, the mournful acceptance of reality, its cold unforgiving taste that makes us cry out to God again.

Well, here i go,
Gonna cry out to God,
and abandon myself to his will again
Who am i doing this for?
maybe her,
who cares, He's gonna change my perspective anyway if i let him

rain rain come again

I has been too long since it rained

Rain,
Heaven's dew
waking me from my numbness
my slumber

Rain
Blood poured out
washes away my sin, shame
my guilty stains

Rain
elixir of life
dressing my wounds
soothing the hurts

Rain
its torrents
Overrunning my defences

Rain
Tears from above,
Wipes away my painted mask
Showing me for who i am

Rain
Your life
Your love
Taking my heart again

It has been too long since it rained