gosh its over
2 years and now my boyhoods coming to an end
no more acedmia for now
in 2 weeks time
i'll be losing my hair, my pink ic
and much more

freedom
epictetus claimed that only the educated are free
ironic isnt it....
i prefer wad lenin said
"While the State exists, there can be no freedom. When there is freedom there will be no State"
seems more realistic

i guess when things draw to an end, a recollection and reflection
often cause one to be washed over in regret
or at least it is with me

i guess i could have done alot different
said more, talked less
hmm
slept less in class too
i guess one thing i regret would be how frivolously i handled people relationships
well so much for the could have beens
i could have been more of a friend

but i guess like the haunting spectre it is,
its all just possibilities, intangables....
time cant go back
and i guess ive lost the oppurtunities i had
and so i deal with it and try to move on

move on to what
i guess inevitably has run its course
and now i find myself without the virtue of choice...

and for someone who thinks he's smart
i find myself foolish and shortchanged,
on the brink of inevitablity
unprepared and inapt

well, in order to break the archetype that this is a sad blog,
i have decided to accede to a request to do some lame tag thing
well here goes i guess


Layer ONE : On the Outside
Name : Jeremy Quek
Birth Date : 01 June 1988
Current Status : eh passive? single? pes BP? dun noe wad they asking for
Eye color : brown(i'm colour blind so i might be wrong)
Hair Color: black
Righty or Lefty : righty
Zodiac Sign : gemini....... not dragon lah, its not the cheena one
(interesting really, cos gemini is the sign of the twin-double mindedness)

Layer TWO : On the inside
Your Heritage: chinese(dont see how that happened)
Your Fears : change, vulnerability
Your Weaknesses : lack of motivation, pessimistic, fearful, uncommitted
Your Perfect Pizza : portabello mushrooms, mozerella cheese,cheddar cheese, proscuito ham, and smoked chicken on a thin crispy oven baked crust... no tomato base..., a sweet basil and honey mustard sause as a base instead...


Layer THREE : Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up : need more sleep
Your Bedtime : flexible.. 10plus to 2
Your most missed memory : dun really have any, not a nostalgic person, but if any, it was the super soaker wars


Layer FOUR : Your Pick- i think this part is seriously limited
Pepsi or Coke : coke
McDonald's or Burger King : carls jr. lol
Adidas or Nike: adidas- nike dun make all blacks jerseys
Lipton tea or Nestea: coffee
Chocolate or vanilla: strawberry
Cappuccino or coffee: quad expresso americano


Layer FIVE : Do you
Smoke : during exams?
Curse : eh i noe some wiccan incantations.....
lol hmm sometimes i guess, though barely in front of others


Layer SIX : In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: yeah whooh
Gone to the mall: yes
Been on stage: nope
Eaten sushi: too much sushi buffets
Dyed your hair: wanted to dye blue but i guess no time


Layer SEVEN: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: no
Changed who you were to fit in: when i was younger more rash and more stupid(yes there was a time)


Layer EIGHT
Age you're hoping to be married : dun even noe if i want to get married in the first place..... hahah the call of paul lol


Layer NINE: In a Girl/Guy.
Best eye colour: hazel(only seen it in book covers and on tv)
Best hair colour: red
Short or long hair: red looks better long


Layer TEN: What Were You Doing.
1 minute ago : pokemon sapphire lol
1 hour ago : this thing gosh its long
4.5 hours ago : eating
1 month ago : eating... haha no lah hmm, mugging?
1 year ago : playing too much com, shopping for christmas, preparing for xmas event in church


Layer ELEVEN : Finish The Sentence
I love: God, food, lol, dark comics
I feel: numb, foreboding, sian.... wad to do 2 weeks left
I hate: exams, the SAF, most institutions, many people
I hide: almost everything... feelings, propensities.....etc
I miss: better times
I need: a quad expresso

Layer TWELVE : Tag 5 people
im not that evil

i havent blogged in a long time
well they say absence makes the heart grow fonder....
ahaha
so there's my excuse
not that it would make anyone fond of what i have to say but well
everything needs a reason/excuse
so....

maybe having my enlistment looming has made me somewhat of a fatalist
havent blogged because well
i havent done alot of things i should be doing because i do not see the point
i dun noe
nothing seems to really be worth it right now

hai

well, i dont noe about abscence but ive realised that familiarity really does breed contempt
a closer look lets you see all thats ugly
you say one thing, but everyone knows otherwise
your masked smile and painted face has lost its appeal,
the worlds unfair, get used to it
grow up stop asking why and get on
sympathy is old, pity is cruel, your act is tiresome


so why dont i smile?
no it isnt a game,
besides i dun have a honey to smile for

haha
but really
fatalism
why smile, when it doesnt make things better?
sure there's all that crap about peace, hope, love and a positive outlook
if you ask me
its overated
id rather frown when im hurting inside
i dun need to pretend in order make myself feel secure
im ok being the loser, being the loner
being God-knows-whatelse
i smile when im happy
and im not happy alot
its just me and my moods
like a man once said, 'whoever said its easier to smile hasnt met me'
'its just my face muscles, i find it easier to frown'

so there
give me something i find worth smiling for
and i'll smile for you
maybe for some, i'll smile anyways....
but thats another story


u toss your hair, and bat your eyelids,
you glaze your voice and pretend to care,
but ive grown weary of your game
lady babylon will draw you in then eat your heart....

yeah, im selfish, im pig headed
so

maybe i just want to disconnect myself from everything
so it wont hurt so much when its taken from me
like they say, nothing torments like hope
i dun want to have things to cry about on that day
because im scared of crying

yeah

when am i going to stop running?