a shell of hollow cynicism,
is that all that remains
of a kindred spirit i once admired?

have the waves so tossed you around
have you grown calloused and hard with every passing heartache?
now that the sparkle in your eyes has dimmed
and your steps have become heavy?

so people never disappoint to disappoint
so you've learnt that
when the merry world turns crimson
and the roses grow thorns what then?

do i have the right to be disappointed??
with all the delusionment, and griping?

especially when these old friends seem familiar to me

anyway
recently many things have well
been very interesting
honestly
so many black and whites fading to grey
and honestly i dun noe how to repsond anymore
i dun want to see you cry,
that look in your eyes you have sometimes just cuts so deep
but i dun noe how else......
argh

sometimes i wish it didnt seem as if i was the one tainting the waters

a fancy
strange things happen

in the twinkling of an eye
presumptions break
and we find ourselves in a place we've never tred

sometimes im so confused,
i dont know what i want
i dont know what i should be feeling
times like now.......

i never knew,
that it could come so hard and fast
nor that it would be as such

but i care
is that enough?
is that ever enough?

phantom

You were once my one companion
You were all that mattered
You were once a friend and father
Then my world was shattered


Wishing you were somehow here again
Wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed
Somehow you would be here


Wishing I could hear your voice again
Knowing that I never would
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
All that you dreamed I could


Passing bells and sculpted angels
Cold and monumental
Seem for you the wrong companions
You were warm and gentle


Too many years fighting back tears
Why can't the past just die?


Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive, teach me to live
Give me the strength to try


No more memories, no more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years
Help me say goodbye
Help me say goodbye

soap

why
why do people behave the way they do?
why does the crazed intoxication lead to such melodrama and conspiracy
why must it be so tiresome
i can see why im afraid
i dunno
i guess well,
im not the only one who is getting hurt by all of this
but am i the only one who feels wary?

its just seems so impossible sometimes
i cant take another episode,
how do people last so many seasons
why must the blossoms draw as such
why do the rays melt the coldest heart?
are we all fools?

was it worth it?
all the blood sweat and tears?
late nights
sleep debt
weariness?
hmm
i suppose time will tell
but sometimes that answer isnt enough
especially when we dont see much
but i guess ive been blessed with this one respite

11 years
after 11 years of hardness, a heart opens
if that isnt fruit i dunno what is
i just hope it lasts
i really do

I'm home enough to know I'm lost

Sometimes I wish there was less uncertainty,
but I guess its not up to me to decide
sometimes I feel as if we're on the knifes edge,
other times, I dunno if I feel at all
but anyways
I dunno
somehow I feel as if I never cared more in my life

my new found home, family
never thought I would find it here
but I have
and now I'm scared of letting go

I dunno
I find myself groping in the dark sometimes
chasing the fugacious blossoms of past beauty, lost in the continuity of time
pursuing some dream now illusory...
i know now that its pointless to try and return to that point
everyone and everything has moved on
so i have decided to grasp what i have now
but i fear it is slipping away from me

maybe this is the first time i really care
i dunno
this is so new to me
sometimes i just feel so helpless and lost
but im not gonna stand down i guess

something has to be done,
either we go down, regretting
or
or else.....
pray that i may find
find the grace we all need,

Confused enough to know direction
Sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
See enough to know I'm blind
See enough to know I'm blind