so often we tell ourselves we cant possibly lonely
we have friends around us
loved ones
bosom pals who have our backs and to whom our hearts we share

we say that we have friends and so we should be happy

but we find ourselves sad
and melachonic
lacking colour despite the vividness of our social lives

but we bluff ourselves
we cant be sad
we cant be lonely
we're much better than that
at least we should be

but a voice tells us we're not
that welling discontentment that springs up from and unknown depth in our hearts

sometimes i guess we forget
the difference between appearance and existance
we dont look lonely
but thats because we're good actors
we dont look sad
because we've trained our plaster smiles

whats so wrong with lonliness anyway?
isnt sadness just another emotion
short-lived though unpleasant
like its sunnier counterpart?

isnt all that we pursue
this happiness
this end of the rainbow crap
just a passing phase?

there is hole in the depths of our hearts
one that we try to ignore
or cover up by filling ourselves with friends and meaningful activities
but nothing fits

we forget about the fundamental view
nothing good abt fundamentalism
just that sometimes
looking at the question of purpose does get things into balance

we were created for Him, by Him, through Him
only something in His will, from Him can fill us
because we were made that way

may we not be doomed to chase pretty rainbows
all our lives
and at the end
to be found wanting
still as empty
but with no more time left to give
to hold onto everything but lose all?
or to give up everything
just to gain...
the one thing that truly comes free

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so im left here wondering why

u take me in even with my iniquity

my indifference

my indecisiveness....

so many times i want to go my own way

to chase after pretty rainbows



thought myself stoic

but now i see the truth

of the approval that i so seek

i guess im scared of being vulnerable
but truth is, embracing one's weakness is strength
in some paradoxical fashion

ahh
paradoxes
they run through even the fabric of a metaphysical reality
but on a more personal level
i guess in admitting my spiritual level isnt alright
i guess i grow in love for Him

sometimes i wish i could go further than the admitting part
sometimes i wish i could be more
be better
help me find a way
back to that place
where everything fades
and only love remains

lifehouse-only one

She's got a pretty smile it
covers up the poison that she hides
She walks around in circles in my head
waiting for a
Chance to break me a
chance to take me down
now i see this burden you gave me is too much to Carry
too much to bury inside

i guess you're the only one
that nobody changes
I guess you're the only one left standing when everything else goes down
You're still the only one,
you're still the only one

It's all shallow and all so appealing
I'm up to my ankles and i'm drowning
Anyway in a sea of sarcastic faces familiar places
everything looks Quite the same here
it's all confusingly
amusing bitter and tainted The picture you painted to me

i guess you're the only one
that nobody changes
i guess you're The only one left standing when everything else goes down
you're still the only one
Who will never change faces
i guess you're the only one left standing When everything else goes down

just 'cause it's all in your head
Doesn't mean it has to be in mine
don't believe what you said
still can't get it out of my mind

I've tried to find myself in approval
i've already been there
already done that
it got me nowhere
It brought me nothing
but a good place to hide in
no one to confide in now

I guess you're the only one
that nobody changes i guess
you're the only one who will never Change faces
i guess you're the only one

When you close your doors, and make darkness within, remember never to say that you are alone, for you are not alone; nay, God is within, and your genius is within. And what need have they of light to see what you are doing?
epictetus -discources

found this quote ironically when i was searching for some spiderman 3 stuff
dont ask me how
but i think it speaks much

especially for us botaks
on far off islands or camps
even when no one sees
or at least when no one we care about sees

we are never alone

i loved the wind on tekong
to most it provided relief and refreshment
but i guess i saw in it something more
its biblical to meterphorise God with the wind
especially the Spirit person of the Godhead(this isnt gonna be a theology lesson)
i guess i began to take the wind as a sign of God's promise
of his presence and protection with me
especially on the days i needed it more

maybe i was overdramatising wind
but i guess there is some truth
that God is always there with us
sometimes the knowledge is enough
other times we need a nudge to help us hold on


to those on a god-forsaken island
well not really
but yeah
when the cold wind blows
know that Gods Spirit is still moving
and He is watching out for us

hmm
wads new
i guess its food for thought how sometimes we can walk a road so long but not walk very far on it

hmm
its amazing how fickle i am
how i can..........

well at least for today im on track
at least i hope i am

so often things lose their meaning
and i find myself like a zombie
going around without purpose

i wish i could learn how to cling
to remain
to hold on to purpose
to hold this track

so often we get tired and disillusioned
and end up chasing other illusive dreams

keep me
wont u
keep me
ps. on a seperate note, i bought new shoes
haha

hmm
wads new
i guess its food for thought how sometimes we can walk a road so long but not walk very far on it

hmm
its amazing how fickle i am
how i can..........

well at least for today im on track
at least i hope i am

so often things lose their meaning
and i find myself like a zombie
going around without purpose

i wish i could learn how to cling
to remain
to hold on to purpose
to hold this track

so often we get tired and disillusioned
and end up chasing other illusive dreams

keep me
wont u
keep me
ps. on a seperate note, i bought new shoes
haha

tossed up and down in the waves
i find my grip slipping
appalled at my lack of discipline and stability
somethings gotta give

i know i need you
but is knowing enough

i wish i were more
but thats just not the case
am i even enough
will i ever be?