what happened to grace

acceptance, fellowship, comradeship, fruits of a promised land?
if so, why has it become so lacking, so lacking in the place where it abounds

sure
to the people who "matter" they recieve alot of attention.....
but then again, wouldnt they recieve the same elsewhere?
for all we've preached on love....
how can we love those out there, when we cant even love our own....
or wait
do we even consider them our own?

grace
amazing
really amazing
what have we done to care for the broken and the depressed in our midst
why do we gossip
why do we joke
sure its entertaining but for how long
and at what price
when we laugh it hurts
either that or it hurts others

have we gone past the healthy phase to a place i fear that we've trod on
i'm tired
really
not from lack of sleep at least
or not entirely
its the gnawing weariness, the inexplicable distaught i experience
are we that far off?
or are we missing the mark completely

do we really believe we can reach them out there
when our own are still crying
are still broken
are still lost

have gone from ministry to social group?
have we made a fool of grace?

we learn, bit by bit, we learn

well as my title states, promos are over,
so is open house, so is the crazy rush and prep for both
interesting really
the results are out
i got physicsB, chem A, math A, F math-B, Gp-B3, chinese-D7.
quite good i guess
thank God for the grades.

but what i really want to keep in mind are those who dont automatically promote.
hai
not too few i noe
hmm
less than 30 points
i have no right to say life is fair.... cos ya
i seem to be on the fairer more blessed side...
while i guess there are many who would steal kill and erm well
hmm
who would rather be in my predicament...
but ya
the world sucks at times
and
hmm
i have no words to encourage those who studied hard but have nothing to show for it

the world is unfair.
equally unfair...
not tt knowing tt helps much

honestly ive run out of energy, motivation and juice to blog everyday
haha
and ya,
i guess ive realised my motives, and hmm,
well exhibitionism only lasts as long as u have something u want to show

but well
i guess i have something to share
that being a predicament of mine
the predicament of faith
its strange really,
so much has changed in the recent few years of my life because of "faith"
but change for the better?
i can only hope

it saddens me, to have to admit that it hasnt been always up
in fact at this point, i darent not say my spiritual life has overall improved
im probably only a couple of steps from the first

faith,
something i dare not seperate myself from
but something of which the consequences i dares not bear....
cruel irony, but its not tt which cuts my heart the most
i guess the most painful truth is that ive known Hm for so long, and professed Hm for so long
and i suppose, for a time, lived Him.
but the truth is
where i am now
its almost like a joke
fallen back
maybe worse than before
and all this while in full knowledge of how much He has done
it hurts, also to know He's forgiven me for that...

predicaments,
hai

revival is coming
its not a matter of whether or not
in fact it may already be in motion
the signs are around
i guess the question is
will i be left out of it
left struggling with myself, while others are carried along on the wave
sometimes its this which i fear the most.
which is abit sad
considering that often im not scared of displeasing Him
well
a quote suitable for an ending, but hmm authorwise maybe not

we learn, bit by bit, we learn