one last post before i go
this one to the person at home who puts a smile on my face every time i book out
and makes me feel like crying when i have to book in
my grandma
not that she'll read this
but yeah
i guess i need to capture her in a moment too

she's old she's frail
she's taken care of me through the years
i remember how i used to hate her nagging and her fussing
but im starting to miss it now

everytime i book out and see her
she seems weaker
frailer
she cant move around as much
and she seems to forget a whole lot more
i want to spend so much time with her
before i lose her more
im scared for the day when i book out and realise ive lost more of her

i rmbr how i booked out and found out she fell
i rmbr how i booked out and found our she went for an op
maybe its because im getting bigger, but she seems to be getting smaller than i rmbr

gosh
i dont know
we're dying, every second every minute every hour
i wish we'd learn to live like we knew we are dying

sorry for the melodrama

a record of a conversation(well as best as i can remember it)
(forgive me if i cant recall the exact wording, i'll try to keep the essence of it)
(for anonymity sake, i'll call the other person tim2)
hahahahahhahah

context: late one night, after dinner, after drinks(at 711) walking away from jose's house
tim2: i feel that this group of friends is drifting apart
me:well i guess we should have expected it
me: anyways, we should always remember, we came together to be more than a social club
me: we should always stand for more, we're saints for christ remember
tim2: ahah, well i think we've drifted away from that

then the conversation drifts away to some lame shit about taiwan and aus

timmy, im praying for u even as ur in taiwan
take care bro

i want to hold on to a moment, a memory,
i want to relive it for eternity
but time moves on without me
and i feel ive lost it now
u said ive earnt a place on your wall
well, u've no idea whats on mine
i wish i could go back
but all i can do is to go on
trying to honour what we stood for
yup
trying to honour what we stood for

to another important person
im sorry
i didnt mean to make u feel sad
it was i guess, an expansion of my ego and my self pity
shouldnt have dragged u into my abyss
i should be bringing u more smiles than creases
i guess, well smile for me
i'll be back stronger- i hope
i still need to pass you your present rite?

we're broken people in a broken world
trying to make sense of it all
we're broken people in a broken world
trying to hold it togetehr
we're broken people in a broken world
trying to hold on to each other

and to a short, efficient snail
hmm
i guess you're right
emo is retarded
but i love being grumpy

how long have I been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I'd see you
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
so why am I 10 feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I see you
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright

and I will walk on water
you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
I know everything is alright everything's alright

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

well, since id better update before this place gets deader, like thats possible
anyways
i guess i should write something about something........ duh
well at least something close to my heart

well
being the socially deprived, and stunted person i am
i guess i should take a while to appreciate the people whom i do call friend

something i find really interesting


i entered jc thinking id hate all ac boys guts
maybe it was 10 years of education behind that
haha
then my sfc pres became an ac guy
and i met chaos
haha
and i soon unlearnt what 10 years of flying sa colours taught me

hahaha
well
maybe i do bully chaos abit too much still
but hey
at least i dont do it maliciously......

the same ticket, mine black, his white,
jigsaw pieces too
didnt know we'd carry around the same false hopes and wishes, the same memories and realised dreams

crazy world aint it
well maybe 2 out of many isnt such a bad track record
anyways
im going to wallaby tml
and it seems for some reason that no matter who i try and meet up with
its fated not to happen
meh
its sucks, more than i thought it would

You are my strength when I am weak.
You are the treasure that I seek.
You are my All in All.
Seeking You as a precious jewel.
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool.
You are my All in All.

daresnt i hold on
even as my world come crashing down
who else do i have

im so so scared
i dont know how to face another day
but You
You are there
even in the darkness
wiping away the tears that refuse to fall
piecing me back together even as i shatter

help me God
to hold onto You even as everything else slips away