i dont know why the previous post makes people think im mad at someone

of course its always possible that i am subconsciously, and im unaware of it because my eq is below average

oh wells



i know not many people read mine blog anyways, cos its kinda a retarded place, where i say stupid things on stupid subjects

but yeah

since someone requested it, i shall post on the 15 books thingum

although i think the answers are embarrassing and its against my better judgement

its probably opening a can of worms because the books you recall say alot about you

and im opening myself up to some form of psychoanalysis

well to all the budding shrinks out there



Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. They don’t have to be the greatest books you’ve ever read, just the ones that stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.



1. Lord of the Rings- i shall consider it as one book, although its really three, cos i read a copy which had all three inside, and because its really split into 3 for marketing purposes. No one starts on "book one" without reading all 3 unless of course the person gives up, but that's the case for illiterate people. For those who havent read it, its really an epic, epic story. That being said, it isnt my favourite tolkien tale, mine being the children of hurin, but the main story is the must read.



2. The Great Divorce- one of his harder to grasp books, this book by CS Lewis is a metaphorical perspective of heaven and life. Some of the characterisations and visualisations were so vivid and real that i still remember them



3. The Problem of Pain- yes, another CS Lewis book.... im really proud of rankings 1-3. (after that it falls apart) i feel this book encompassed the more important arguments Lewis put forward



4. The Mathematics of Love- a book by Emma Darwin. i have no idea why i rmbr this one, maybe it has something to do with reading it during the more trying times i had during army, so it was a form of comfort... mmmm, this book i bought for its title. It's not bad in it that the author plays around with the concept of time, and also switches between prose styles. The themes are *gosh* about how love develops against the expectations of society.....mmm..... actually when i look back, the themes of love were actually quite controversial and taboo but oh wells.



5. Midnight's Children- this booker of booker's prize winner was epic, intense, graphically absorbing, but also one of the most laborious readings i have had to undertake- maybe thats why i remember it. what i dont recall at first, is how much i identified with one underlying theme, that we always assume that we're special, and destined for greatness, but maybe our destiny lies in our passing, in that we exist to be destroyed eventually



6. A grief observed- the most personal book in CS Lewis' apologetic canon, although this one isnt apologetic. it's Lewis writing at his most vulnerable, after the death of his wife. I love how it shows that this great man actually came close to doubting everything, but how he hung on to grow through the pain.



7. Blink- i rmbr this because of the circumstances i was in when i read it. i borrowed it without permission from someone's bag in australia while i was stuck there during an overseas military exercise. its interesting, but ultimately not very beneficial..... something about how our first impressions are actually very useful

8. Vampire Chronicles- by anne rice. This is good vampire fiction, not the chic lit that stephenie mayer churns out. i still go by my stand, that any guy who reads stephenie mayer shouldnt be called a guy

9. Oscar and Lucinda by peter carey, another booker winner, its a really screwed up story about love.... hahaha.... its really enthralling after the romance blooms but entirely ironic when it ends...... i loved it because its a love story that makes u scratch your head going w.t.h. instead of feeling all warm and fuzzy inside

10. Adventures of kavalier and clay by micheal chabon. a clever and witty book about escapism and confinements one thing i dont get is why of the 2 micheal chabon books, both have gay characters....

11. Fight Club- pulp fiction with anarchial themesd, whats there not to love

12. A scanner darkly- another screwed up books, this time on drugs, and how we're all manipulated by the system.

13. 1984- the book about big brother, what i rmbr abt it was the idea of double think, the ability to think 2 seperate opposing thoughts at the same time

14. Time traveller's wife- i can see why so many people loved this book, but i didnt really like it that much. a nice love story, and although the manipulation of time in fiction was creative, i still felt the whole timeless love thing was cliche

15. Animorphs #23- Gosh, i dont know why i still remember this book, its the first book i cried reading, and its not really touching, just a screwed up story about cosmic irony and unfairness

as you can see, i tend to remember books that have screwed up themes, or if they're really ironic
im not sure what it says about me, id rather not think about it, because i dont think id really like the answer

of course when i try to think about the books i should be recalling, books such as blue like jazz, and gilead and even the bible come to mind
the question thus must be asked, so why dont i recall them instead

why isnt the bible at the top of the lists, like it should be, if i was a good sterile fundamentalist right wing, gun totting christian

although it is consolation to myself that blue like jazz may have made it to the list if it was say the top 20
in all honesty,
i can say that i disagree with the Lewis' observation that Christian authors tend to have more depth
not because he was wrong, but because the Christian literature of his time, and that which i get now is so different
honestly i feel that aside from Lewis and a few other authors such as marilyn robinson, christian writers tend to be boring, sterile and unintelligent

and yes, back to the bible,
it is interesting, and greatly applicable
it is God's inspired word and all that
but i dont know
i dont read it as much as i should for lack of interest
and fear of being identified with those whom, read it alot, read into it alot,
and wield it all around throwing verses around trying to apply its principles literally
making me wince at their lack of theological depth, lack of imagination, and lack of maturity

all that being said, i know some really Godly men and women, who know scripture well, and know how to use it
but i know too many who abuse it
yes, God can use a plumber and all that, although i gave up reading the plumbers book because it's an insult to call it a book,
men of God should acknowledge their frailties and that they arent the most intellectual and theologically superior people,
wad happened to Gods tools being broken vessels, the foolish, and meek,
why are christians now using condescending tones, and taking the "morally high" ground
its one thing to be set apart, and another to be Amish

im sorry for ranting,
as u probably can tell, since ur a budding psycho analyser
im probably borderline neurotic
just a side note, i say you're a psycho analyser, because if you blog surf,
either you're a voyeur, or you think you can read people well
im saying this out of personal retrospection
maybe im so off canter that my observation is skewed
oh wells

dangerously complex thoughts in euclidean space

vanity vanity
porcelain mask on painted face
all us microbes and phages creeping around this worldly dustbowl
trying to breed meaning to the burden of existence, forsooth, just a sigh and whisper in the wind

i wanted you to know me, but am i still me

im tired of jumping through hoops,
tired of playing that game
but for the snare of the whip and the prod of a chair

do you still see anything in my eyes
or have these four walls closed in for too long

im tired of your incompetence
of your lack of lucidity
barbaric fundamentalist
go and bother someone else with your piety,
dont expect me to laud and applaud it

only a moron gets frustrated when he realises he doesnt know anything
only a fool will defend ideologies uncontested
maybe its the fear of turning out to be a neanderthal
no wonder the intellectuals favour evolution

was it Descartes who said i think therefore i am
but more often then not, its a bound of flesh that holds me back

so so tempting
to leave it all behind
to cast off the bounds
to forgo kith and kin

are you my wide eyed wonderling
or a private Jezebel

why do i always end up caring for the one's who arent important
and hating the one's who should mean something

nothing personal
i just see a dumbdowned reflection of myself in you, and i dun particularly like myself as it is

usually you wake up from a dream by opening your eyes
maybe if i close mine this one will end

after a week at school, getting used to hall and all
well although tutorials havent started yet, i think im getting into the groove of things
after army, school doesnt seem so hard,
although yes, now i actually have to use my brain
and the social/political world here is more complex

i think army helped me grow up quite abit
but like i told daniel fong last week
ive grown wiser, not necessarily better
ive lost too much alongst the way...
im too much of a cynic now

ive made the commitment to return to God
but now im stuck with my previous dilemma
how does faith work out in my life
part of me doesnt know how to answer the question
part of me doesnt want to
it might seem overly simplistic just to say to live out love
but the truth is, that is very simple
it's just very hard to do

ive always known i was a social pauper
mmm
blessings not just for the ones who kneel.... luckily

ive started on Kishore Mahbubani's can asians think
it's an understatement to call the book eye opening
i was especially inspired by his point that due to demographics, nations in Europe and America, whom have been pushing the envelope for civilisation up till now will be in the minority
and we Asians have to do our part

mmm
im honestly ashamed of mine chinese heritage?
haha
shoot me

but i shall give several reasons for this
firstly, asians seem to lose out genetically
everything genetic, from good hair to good looks, to atheltic ability
we cannot compete with westerners
they are faster, stronger, taller and have hair that seems glorious

secondly, our society is still miopic, paradoxical, too strictly conservative, and stuck in traditionalism

thirdly, while we do have rich heritage and blah blah blah
and even though in antiquity, chinese society led the forefront of civilisation
we somehow were left standing in the dust, relegated to close to last place
and honestly, i think the chinese society is one that lacks grace when dealing with other societies
we lack grace
my point being supported by the fact that chinese stereotype jokes are funny when the point that the chinaman is ungracious seems to be exploited.
at the risk of sounding xenophobic and racist
im clueless to where this source of chinese pride comes from
sure the rich heritage and traditions
if this were the 16th century sure id understand
but we've lacked behind for a millenia and while there has been a recent catching-up
we still lack grace

mmm
do take note that these are all my thoughts, not the words of Mr Mahbubani, who is probably pro-Asian and whose thoughts are much more lucid, objective and civilised than mine
im just some poor fool ranting on his blog how he was shortchanged bcos he wasnt born with the genetic code of a NBA superstar, or All-Black rugger

sorry im no good at bending over backwards and jumping through hoops

really glad i went for FOP yesterday
even though yes, there wasnt any popular overseas christian performing group there
mmm
the singaporean performing groups were kind of
mmm
smarmy
if thats a word
didnt really get into the worship part
part of it was the atmosphere
part of it probably me being easily distracted

but the message was real good

i think i have a thing for australian pastors
just their dialetic and humour
im usually the odd one out when it comes to sermons
when others usually say its great im left scratching my head
and i think it works the other way
but yeah
australian preachers tend to be like interesting?

moving on,
ive been encountering the term "emergent church"
quite abit in literature and now hearing about it from preachers
the emergent church or even for that matter emerging churches havent really come to singapore yet
and the local church doesnt seem concerned or interested to tackle the "issue"
after reading up on it abit
i honestly find the idea of an emergent or at least admittantly emerging church very alluring
id admit as being a child of this generation to being strongly post-modernistic in certain areas
and being quite disillusioned with traditional church institutions and the norms of church
the whole decentralised power and deconstruction of modern traditions seems called for

while sure, the whole movement has seen criticism from the more main-stream of christiandom in the west
although it seems to me awfully right wing, red, gun-totting, grizzled and bush like if u ask me
id be the first to join one if it came to singapore
id have to admit that the decentralised authority and the promotion of conversation over traditional evangelism is the main impetus

on to a totally offhand, uninteresting, and unrelated diatribe
i shall talk abt the byzantium empire
why a post-modernist shd be interested in a medival empire
well its relevant to me
aha,
the lure of the post-modernist mindset

so anyways
my love affair with all things associated with the east roman empire began in sec sch
thanks to a game known as medival total war
now for those who are of the school of thought that computer games just teach little boys violence and nothing more,
id strongly disagree
ive learnt alot of what i know from games
games are often the sparking point for interests in history (any period with a war in it usually is interesting) mythology, and even promote knowledge of science and technology
i learnt abt physics theories through sid mier's alpha centauri
and abt the impt breaktrhoughs in technology both in antiquity and in the present day from civilisation 3, civ 3 also helped teach me that while democracy is currently one of the most efficient government types, it has it drawbacks, and it isnt perfect and shd be viewed on the same palate next to socialism, theism, monarchies and the rest

and so yes,
kids shd play more games
regardless than the latest offerings seem to teach one how to survive post-nuclear apocalyptic hell or a zombie outbreak, what man vs wild will probably never touch on

i digress
back to the centre of orthodox christiandom
the lure of Byzantium will always be their armoured horses,
their wealth, naval and military power and prowess
the strength of the walls of constantinople
the glory and splendour of that city

even in places like the vatican museum often the more impressive artifacts, some of them were stolen from constantinople in its sacking by crusaders

mmm
ok
i first was drawn to byzantium by the colour purple, the fact that its strategic position is more playable than any catholic faction in early medieval times (it was the easiest non-muslim faction)

mmm
actually the muslim factions were the most satisfying to play as
medieval times were the heyday of muslim nations
a time when these were the most gracious nations on earth
at the forfront of the arts, society and technology

saladin was probably the greatest of all rulers to come out of medieval times
even in othello, the moor is more civilised than the venetians

sometimes nowadays i cringe at the thought that their descendants are a poor poor shadow compared to their legacy
but anyways

mmm
the byzantium society was marked by two things i find interesting
first was that their constantly was power play in their hierachy
byzantium was the golden age of political assasinations

what else makes byzantium interesting was that as the centre of orthodox christiandom
it was the home of amateur theologist
it seems that men in the street were espousing the theology of the trinity the incarnation and divinity

while it seems at first paradoxical that assasintation central and theology could co-exit
im realising now that they seem to go hand in hand
we make our own political mess out of the instituions God ordained

mmm
i think the 3rd real impetus of the emergent church for me is that it is praxis oriented

just finished surprised by joy by CS Lewis
one source of great comfort to me is that my hero didnt think much of the practice of keeping a journal
and so i shall not have to feel guilty about not keeping one

mmm
i think i took loads more from that book than that
but my power of introspection isnt strong enough for me to make it a meaningful blogpost

just shall mention this one thing i feel is of vital importance....
for many, CS Lewis' conversion experience seems to be a wholly intellectual affair
and so not spiritual in any sense
i think this could not be further from the truth
i think no one verily comes to God on his own
and as shown by C.S.L he was pursued by God, not the other way round
the impetus to choose God is provided by Him

i believe the intellectual response can be just as spiritual as the emotional one

some may quote scripture that God confounds our wisdom, and that God's wisdom is foolishness to us
but arent there scripture as well that warn us that the heart is deceitful

i think God meets us where we are and in accordance to what we are

perhaps both the emotional and intellectual response in themselves dont measure up to what God wants
but than do we ever measure up by our own efforts


i think the problem is that nowadays, one unspoken heresy in the modern church is (in simple mathematics) that God moving=feeling His presence
i think this bugbear has arose because so many men of God say that i feel or sense God's presence/move
which while not wrong has caused the view that God's presence since not sensuous must be emotionally indicated
and this may be true in some circumstances
its just circumstantial or in a more mathematical term, correlation
God's modus operandi isnt limited to the emotional realm, although i must admit, it is a powerful tool


i think we should stop thinking that "God has moved" if there is a strong emotional or physical response
2 things, God is constantly on the move, even if we have no subjective evidence to allay our doubts about this
and also, i think the emotional response while powerful is short term
not that the intellectual response is inherently better or has a longer shelf life
i think that we should adopt the attitude that whether we see the move or not,
God is always at His business
and we try our best
and the only reliable indicator of success (although we shouldnt be looking for one) is probably that of retrospection
it is scriptural to judge things by their fruit

just watched the reduced Shakespeare company perform the complete works of Shakespeare (abridged) at the national library

awesome, wonderful act
few comedies keep the laughs coming for a sustained period of 2 hours
but they somehow pulled it off

and the jokes ranged from crass to highbrow
so i guess there was something for everyone

mmm
the last thing that made me laugh so hard was the simpsons movie
but this was superb
riotously funny