because, i enjoy procrastinating and skirting around the more poignant issues
instead of blogging about my trip, i shall instead start by commenting on all the nice movies i watched on the planes

well, maybe not all the movies
its hard to convey what i appreciate about comedies since humour is opiniated, and blogging about other peoples jokes just seems sort of crass

anyhow, i did watch a few serious solid dramas, 2 oscar nominations and one 1989 oscar winner

on the trip there, i caught Rachel getting married

this would be the first movie to ever give me the impression that anne hatheway is, or at least recently became, a decent actress
a touching potrayal of an ex-junkie, thats actually believable,
it touches on issues of guilt, social pressures, dysfunctional families to name a few
dysfunctional people with real problems
and a reasonably happy ending
maybe too many loose ends, unresolved chemical abuse and emotional problems to make optimists satisfied
but real life's alot like that

on the trip back watched changeling
mmm
didnt connect with it that much, cos i guess i dun have a special affinity for mother-child drama
but yeah
angelina jolie wasnt too bad
a nice contrast to all the hokum and over the top dramatics of recent movies
a good use of silent pauses
spaces
jolie with a tense look on her face

the last film that left a strong impression was cinema paradiso
an italian film that won the 1989 oscar for best foreign film
i shant say much, because its hard to do justice to the subtle nuances and not too subtle nuances of the movie
sure, the various plotlines are kind of cliche,
but its well grounded and very human and wonderful story telling

mmm
so yeah
thats part of my holiday experience i guess
mmm
maybe i'll fill in the more relevant experiences
when im not so jet lagged or lazy

the trips been a real blast,
up to today
today really kind of sucked
gosh
and er, im sorry grace, even though you dont read my blog, cause i dont have the postcards anymore

its kinda a weird sentiment
cos im supposed to be thankful even through this,
and i am
but the finer points still suck

bleagh
so many disappointed expectations

because bob marley rocks

lols

“Do you also want to go away?”

For those who dont know, or are not familiar with NKJV
that was quoted from John 6:67 and if ur bible is any good, those words would appear in red

I'm beginning to consider the distinct possibility that all this discontent, this stirring, these labour pangs as some would deem it is possibly because ive wandered away from Jesus

no ive not joined some cult, or embraced satanism
ive not engaged in hedonism, wild druken orgies and all that

sometimes i wish it were as simple and clear cut as that

its queer
sometimes we can do all the right things, attend church, cell and bible study,
serve all over the place
pour out ourselves again and again
and still in the midst of all of it wander away from Jesus

not that ive managed to do all of that stated above
i church hop, i dont have a cell, nor a group bible study and im serving er myself
but my point in case is this
our religious piety doesnt stop us from wandering away

innocuous activities such as service and fellowship
sometimes are harmless enough that they manage to seduce us away from our proper intent

i guess somewhere along the way i got a bit preoccupied with my self, certain others and other things
and forgot that being a christian isnt about attending church or serving or even evangelism
sure it is bound to involve those things
but its supposed to be about Gods love, and us trying to react appropriately to something as overwhelming as that

it holds some truth, even though sounding far fetched, that the day we're not overwhelmed by God
is probably the day when we've lost the plot
humbling to consider that ive lost the plot so often

i guess it is good that ive been feeling discontent and suffocated
to not feel that way, even when something as imperative as the tenet of my faith isnt at the core of what i am, and what i do
mmm
that would be really something else

i guess Simon Peters reply was quite trite
to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life

there is no other way,
there is no other

we may wander away, get caught up in things we know wont satisfy
kill ourselves and drag down others chasing illusive dreams, and noble creeds
but at the end of the day
there is no where else we can really go

im sorry that i dont have answers that really answer anything
i wish things were easier and more clear cut
i wish the problem was less subtle
and the answer less metaphysical
but i dont have or know any other

no ive not settled down anywhere
im feeling lost
feeling directionless
feeling unfulfilled
why?
1. im impossible to please
you cant be fulfilled if u have no idea what you're looking for
2. ive got a commitment issue
3. im plain lazy
4 im too proud

too used to being ok
to acting like im ok
so now im not
whee

i was wrong when i said that my life is boring, and that there is nothing going on worth blogging?
but i guess its just that i dont really feel like blogging about stuff nowadays
been in a rut of nonchalency

used to blog when i was moody
but this is not moodyness or at least not merely moodyness
i dont mean to put down all the great wonderful and special ppl ive met up with recently, or been going out with
its just that there hasnt been much ive felt like saying

theres just this feeling like a big wet blanket pressing down on me, suffocating me
like someone used up all the oxygen in the room

well
i do deserve the tag of procrastination by eeli
but mmm
ive bought my DSLR today
so ive finally gone out and done something

hahhaha

I need words
As wide as sky
I need language large as
This longing inside
And I need a voice
Bigger than mine
And I need a song to sing You
That I've yet to find
I need You,
Oh, I need You
I need You,
Oh, I need You
To be here now
To be here now
To hear me now
To hear me now
(I Need Words- David Crowder Band)
David may look like a goat, but hey his songs rock, and weird is cool, at least in his case

usually when people ask me what im up to nowadays,
i find it hard to give them a good answer
cause i usually cant justify myself without people gawking at how i waste away my days
they make it seem like a crime that im not running around saving the world, or the economy for that matter

im waiting for daylight,
waiting for that piercing epiphany to part the clouds
and make something of this