ah, finally a brief respite......
some people love the life of hassle, of things to do and places to go
i prefer to just sit in some comfortable place and let life pass by
but enough about my lacksidasical fantatsies.....

fear of the consequences of fire......
it took no paltry amount of time or effort to come to terms

i am afraid of fire,
of that merciless consuming blaze,

to be held in omnipotent hands,
bent on perfection

why do i fear so much?
because im holding on too tight?

how to learn to let go and trust.....
to trust.......

honestly i want to blog more regularly
but i barely have time for the necessities
and yeah
there is so much i would like to pen down
but this isnt the place,
too many roving eyes.....
and usually by the time my sis is done with the com at home,
and i take my bath and sit in front of the com

the initial angst/inspiration is gone
and im blogging on an empty tank
and usually there is no point writing something i dun feel convicted about at that point

anyways yeah
so here i am,
driven by morbid boredom to blog
in a place that is unfamiliar to me
even the keyboard feels wierd

maybe i was asking for it
choosing to be laconic, and distant
so now im detached
albeit abit undesired at this point but
hmm

am i doomed to wonder 40 years for disobediance?

am i that rouge?

feel as if im lost, and alien,
i mean yeah
supposed to be alien
but not from the church
so i feel lost

anyways
glad to see you back and smiling
looks to me like uve dealt with some of the demons,
and well
maybe more like, gotten ur head out of some of that self induced muck and finally letting go to grasp joy
im glad for you
i just hope i can follow your example......

after so long ive realised that i havent really gotten that far,
just a few inches off the starting block
and maybe not in the right direction
so this is the race im running
somehow it seems that im not really making much progress
i dun noe if i'll ever make it
but yeah
what choice do i have
but to struggle
and it doesnt help
when the struggle isnt as clear cut as it used to be
and now, the times are more pressing....
hai
if only
if only if i wasnt so frail