moving on

Finally getting my head outta the nonsense,
coming back to Him,
never knew how empty life could get until i started to walk away.

Realised my real depth,
probably 3 inches, maybe less
rash, tempermental, irrational idiot that i am.

Anyways, been drowning in sch work,
But ya, i think it's time to get less distracted, spend more time with Him.

I only wish i had someone to share with again.
Argh, i miss dom, xie, and having cc as a cell leader

Its abit/alot hard finding ppl to share with when im defensive as this,
well I shot myself in the foot i guess,

anyway, good to know that there are many Christians in the school
seems like such an obvious statement,
but truth is, I'm just beginning to realise that there are so many ppl who are so interested and enamoured with God
maybe their not in sfc but ya, they are serious bout him

hmm, maybe comforting to know tt some of these are more interoverted,
more serious about depth, and a more intellectual enjoyment of Him,

I wish it were easier to return to that point again, where he took my whole attention(and affection) so easily.

hmm, met some really interesting ppl in sch,
interoverted ppl with less self-confidence who lean to a more perceptive disposition.
hmm, love is in the air?
ahahhahah, sorry crapping

anyway, i think there is beauty in sadness, in defeat, in quiet ppl who are crushed, messed up and struggling,
maybe tts bcos i try to pretend im beautiful, ahahhaha
but really, its comforting to know that there are such ppl around who try,
maybe i ought to try harder.

there is a beauty in grey, in the undefined, ambigousity and uncertainty that often clouds ones(my) mind,
a comfort in black, in the nothingness, in the void that remains when all else fades away,
a depth in blue, the mournful acceptance of reality, its cold unforgiving taste that makes us cry out to God again.

Well, here i go,
Gonna cry out to God,
and abandon myself to his will again
Who am i doing this for?
maybe her,
who cares, He's gonna change my perspective anyway if i let him

rain rain come again

I has been too long since it rained

Rain,
Heaven's dew
waking me from my numbness
my slumber

Rain
Blood poured out
washes away my sin, shame
my guilty stains

Rain
elixir of life
dressing my wounds
soothing the hurts

Rain
its torrents
Overrunning my defences

Rain
Tears from above,
Wipes away my painted mask
Showing me for who i am

Rain
Your life
Your love
Taking my heart again

It has been too long since it rained

A song so familiar,
a stanza i know by heart.
but when i try to sing it,
it doesn't come out right
my lips falter,
my voice fails
words once embraced so tight
now burden my heart.

so i haved reached my lowest.
Stumbled so far off track
now i'm living each day without purpose,
drifting along the waves of circumstance,
carried along by the tide

take me back again
into Your arms
i miss Your embrace
to hear You say, this child's mine

dunno

saw her running today,
argh,
a face and a name,
thats all i know about her, save some observations from afar,
part of me wants to get to know her better,
but that's only one part.
Why bother when im fated to crash and burn?
why chase a dream when it'll probably mean me falling on my face again

My life of late seems to be one long series of bad choices
I dunno,
is my share, my plot?
Pray for me
Cause im far, very far from the course i once pursued

lmao

The only reason why im posting such a lame post,
i'm blogging from school.
JC life is so much more hectic than what i'm used to
So much to do, so many deadlines,
so little time to do other things
hai

I'm having a hard time coping with both PW and chinese,
argh chinese, the tongue of the orientals
the bane of man,

at least the camaraderie makes up for it abit

well this is me, facing a new phase of my life.
Dealing with so many more problems and experiences
well at least there's much more eye candy than sec sch
especially my sec sch, hahahah, since its a all boys sec sch
Anyways, things have changed much.
I have changed alot, maybe too much
To be frank, i won't say my relationship with Him is going that smoothly
My relationship with the church? hai

Winds are changing,
and i'm standing on strange ground
I just pray i find my feet before i fall

I came across this really cool T-shirt design
Why men are happier
Car mechanics tell you the truth
The world is your urinal
wrinkles add character
chocolate is just another snack
you know stuff about tanks
you can open your own jars
three pairs of shoes is enough
your last name stays put
you only have to shave your face

distracted, chasing after a rainbow

i couldnt help laughing when i saw this newly released donghaeng comic(its the post b4 this)
Jokes are most funny when they hurt,
paradoxical aint it,

well, i feel it speaks so much to me
gotten so distracted,
chased after so many ideals
seeked satisfaction from many sources
and all i can conclude
is like wad the wisest man said so long ago
meaningless, meaningless,
Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.

seeked fufillment in so many places,
and just ended up more empty than before
wad pricks my heart so bad is the knowledge that God wants to bless me so much
its just that im finding it so hard to come back to him
i guess this is why i shouldnt have entertained thoughts of leaving Him in the first place

cos the trail of bread crumbs has been consumed,
and i don't remember the way back

so this is chasing the rainbow
chasing the illusive dream
all you find is a circular phenomenen in the sky.
I gave up true light, for a distorted, coloured image of it
so this is how i've walked.
too far off,
too far down
God help me