sometimes i dont know how much more i can take
sometimes i just dont know

Betrayal
So many dreams and whims,
so many impeteous dreams
yet all i do is fall
far far by the wayside
sometimes the blood flows
sometimes the tears fall
yet so often the cock crows
and You are three times denied

will i just go on and on on this carousel?
running back and forth like a pandoleum?
how many times before i cant get up?

so weak and frail,
yet i dare pride myself
will i be left weeping bitterly
or has the well run dry already
has winter come?
or is this heart of stone turned from clay colder still?

i dont know when any of this will ned
but i do know this

His grace is sufficient for me
Not simply because it has to be
but because it is...

For He made Him who knew no sin,
sin on our behalf
that we may know the righteousness of God in Him...

will i remain?

im the prodigal that never learnt
the junkie struggling to kick it
countless times i strived to make it
but fall so far from the mark

so is this my babylon
my road of perdition

its tiring to have to get up
sometimes i dun noe why i try

just noe that ive got to keep going
lest i shrivel up and die

wish i could see the pot of gold
but i cant even see the rainbow

wish there was a silver lining
but the skies too dark over

All the times I thought to reach up,
all the times I had to give up.

sometimes i wonder what to make of heaven

if only i could find my way
if only............

sometimes i think im alright alone
but sometimes.........

when the cold wind blows

i wish


so many ifs
but well
not for a lack of intent
but for a lack of capability i suppose

King or cripple what have I become?
Beneath these kingly robes there lies a fragile man
What made me a king can sometimes cripple
All that you give can sometimes rob my innocence

Why do you let us walk upon a cliff so steep
When deep below the sea there lies a bed of gold
And if this should be our battle place
Don't let me fall, don't let us fall

Keep me, wont You keep me, keep me, wont You keep me

I love to hold the hand of one who healed the blind
And saw the leper run into your arms of love
King or cripple, they were the same to you
You took the broken man and you treat him like a king

Ive decided to change my blog song
well
not that the previous one is bad but i guess a little change cant hurt
the lyrics are simple yet amazing
and it can be very ministering
especially on lonely tekong nights

scribbles from the really small island
haha
well not to steal HUMPhreys thunder
but well
im back
from pulau TEKONG
ahah
actually its my 2nd book out
but my first one availed neither time nor mood to blog

during one of the cold lonely nights(its just melodrama-its quite warm sometimes)
well i journalled down:
i need to write, lest i lose the ability to do so
truly, its been challenging
not only in the physical peseverance sense
but my rationality and sanity has faced it
in a company of well, educationally challenged recruits
sometimes i miss intellectual stimulation
other times i just miss talking about theoratical meta-narratives with no pratical application

the lack of educated primates isnt the only thing i find disdainful
the atmosphere leaves alot to be desired
for one
the air is litted constantly by expletives
sometimes employed in astoundingly creative ways so much so that it integrates in the grammer structure

part of me thinks that the use of such expletives is due to a lack in vocabulary
thus they become alternatives to the much more beautiful and subtle use of english

well
for another is the seeming lack of decency
well i shant comment on it here
just that well
hmm
i do wish Godly company

and of course one must mention the physical training and the sargeants who scream and chase one around

well aside from all these
i suppose army has been well
not bad
not bad at all

its been better than i expected it to be(see the advantage of being a pessimist)
and well
i guess in a place where the things i refused to surrender cannot exist
i learnt to let go
honestly
army so far
has left me with a deeper appreciaiton for people
(note the use of deeper, not deep)

i guess its like i told a certain old fogey
army will be good for me
and it has been
i guess

hai
i wish i could blog about something more relevant or mentally stimulating
but honestly
i guess this is the best i can come up with
with 3 weeks of debilitating brain rot
well
maybe im not that much better those other guys in my company
cos
to those who are given more
more is expected
and i havent exactly achieved much with my lot

im bad at goodbyes
but i guess this will be my one of the few chances i get
well
tml at noon
well abit after noon
i guess it will mark the end of one part of my life and the beginning of another
i just hope i will use the time i find better

hmm
gets one wondering
do people who live during the change of an epoch feel it around them?
do they really grasp the significance of it
or do they feel numb like the way i do now?

well CS Lewis is either a genuis or a bigot
but i guess ive only got the bigot part down

anyways
im not good at nostalgic stuff
so i shouldnt try
just to anyone who matters to me
thanks
i may not have much to offer but still

i dunno
i hope to grow out of my fatalist stage
maybe army will help in that deparment
i just hope well
i can learn to stop running

learn to face my demons
well
ave atque vale
hail and farewell
looks like its over for now

dun cry for me
im no saint evita

haha
but really
thx for being with me,
in i daresay
one of the most enjoyable epochs of my life
may ur endeavours be blessed

down these lonely roads a man must travel

for the first time in a long time
i feel like crying

the unkindest cut of all-comes from somewhere close to the heart
seeing you all cozy....
i guess delusions just feel like shit
u could have at least put it into words
maybe........
ive hated sappy love songs,
now i really detest them............

hurts deep

also realised i cant have breakfast with my sis until the last day
gosh things r just looking suckier by the moment
treasure the people around you
treasure the little time you have
i guess ive learnt that a little too late

such blatant foolishness
i care
i might not show it but i do
and emphathy feels like shit right about now

i wish alot of things
wish i had the guts to say out alot of things
wish i was brave enough to let people know what i really think and feel
but its a little too late now

can only hope that things dont change too much
and the few things i still hold on to wont be pried beyond my reach