i havent blogged in a long time
well they say absence makes the heart grow fonder....
ahaha
so there's my excuse
not that it would make anyone fond of what i have to say but well
everything needs a reason/excuse
so....

maybe having my enlistment looming has made me somewhat of a fatalist
havent blogged because well
i havent done alot of things i should be doing because i do not see the point
i dun noe
nothing seems to really be worth it right now

hai

well, i dont noe about abscence but ive realised that familiarity really does breed contempt
a closer look lets you see all thats ugly
you say one thing, but everyone knows otherwise
your masked smile and painted face has lost its appeal,
the worlds unfair, get used to it
grow up stop asking why and get on
sympathy is old, pity is cruel, your act is tiresome


so why dont i smile?
no it isnt a game,
besides i dun have a honey to smile for

haha
but really
fatalism
why smile, when it doesnt make things better?
sure there's all that crap about peace, hope, love and a positive outlook
if you ask me
its overated
id rather frown when im hurting inside
i dun need to pretend in order make myself feel secure
im ok being the loser, being the loner
being God-knows-whatelse
i smile when im happy
and im not happy alot
its just me and my moods
like a man once said, 'whoever said its easier to smile hasnt met me'
'its just my face muscles, i find it easier to frown'

so there
give me something i find worth smiling for
and i'll smile for you
maybe for some, i'll smile anyways....
but thats another story


u toss your hair, and bat your eyelids,
you glaze your voice and pretend to care,
but ive grown weary of your game
lady babylon will draw you in then eat your heart....

yeah, im selfish, im pig headed
so

maybe i just want to disconnect myself from everything
so it wont hurt so much when its taken from me
like they say, nothing torments like hope
i dun want to have things to cry about on that day
because im scared of crying

yeah

when am i going to stop running?