i almost forgot this existed, a relic from an age gone by,
it all seems so alien now-the original impetus for blogging

i suppose it started out of the angsty crucible that is adolescence,
the pursuit of expression, but really attention,

its no wonder it died out,
i ran out of things to say


or maybe i just lost my voice


someone told me that couples who love God would not get bored of each other since they would continuously grow in God and therefore there it would always be new; always fresh

applying that logic inwards:
maybe ive stopped growing, and thus have tired of myself.


i used to think that life would be like parable,
that if i, like the prodigal son - packed up and went,
in pursuit of my own,

there would come the day where my will gave out,
enough would be enough, the spiritual tantrum would lose steam
i could simply turn back
and God would come running down the road for me


but there isn't a emergency chute, there isnt a safe word
and ive burnt most of my bridges.


i find myself here, lost, and there doesnt seem to be anyway back
back doesnt exist anymore, maybe it never did


well, at least i have grown out of my melancholic, misinformed romantic phase
I used to think that the right one would come along,
the person to make me whole,
that thru the power of love, I would be made right
distilled in character and spirit to become a complete person...


only whole people find whole people
the cure for loneliness isnt company

and i have accepted my lonely lot,
until i become a whole person myself, or until forever
whichever comes first


for all this wilderness,
at least i think ive glimpsed at a  fragment of truth

you only overflow if you are being poured out for others.

maybe this is why God seems to be working thru me even now
when i stumble into making a difference,
He doesnt have to share the glory