King or cripple what have I become?
Beneath these kingly robes there lies a fragile man
What made me a king can sometimes cripple
All that you give can sometimes rob my innocence

Why do you let us walk upon a cliff so steep
When deep below the sea there lies a bed of gold
And if this should be our battle place
Don't let me fall, don't let us fall

Keep me, wont You keep me, keep me, wont You keep me

I love to hold the hand of one who healed the blind
And saw the leper run into your arms of love
King or cripple, they were the same to you
You took the broken man and you treat him like a king

Ive decided to change my blog song
well
not that the previous one is bad but i guess a little change cant hurt
the lyrics are simple yet amazing
and it can be very ministering
especially on lonely tekong nights

scribbles from the really small island
haha
well not to steal HUMPhreys thunder
but well
im back
from pulau TEKONG
ahah
actually its my 2nd book out
but my first one availed neither time nor mood to blog

during one of the cold lonely nights(its just melodrama-its quite warm sometimes)
well i journalled down:
i need to write, lest i lose the ability to do so
truly, its been challenging
not only in the physical peseverance sense
but my rationality and sanity has faced it
in a company of well, educationally challenged recruits
sometimes i miss intellectual stimulation
other times i just miss talking about theoratical meta-narratives with no pratical application

the lack of educated primates isnt the only thing i find disdainful
the atmosphere leaves alot to be desired
for one
the air is litted constantly by expletives
sometimes employed in astoundingly creative ways so much so that it integrates in the grammer structure

part of me thinks that the use of such expletives is due to a lack in vocabulary
thus they become alternatives to the much more beautiful and subtle use of english

well
for another is the seeming lack of decency
well i shant comment on it here
just that well
hmm
i do wish Godly company

and of course one must mention the physical training and the sargeants who scream and chase one around

well aside from all these
i suppose army has been well
not bad
not bad at all

its been better than i expected it to be(see the advantage of being a pessimist)
and well
i guess in a place where the things i refused to surrender cannot exist
i learnt to let go
honestly
army so far
has left me with a deeper appreciaiton for people
(note the use of deeper, not deep)

i guess its like i told a certain old fogey
army will be good for me
and it has been
i guess

hai
i wish i could blog about something more relevant or mentally stimulating
but honestly
i guess this is the best i can come up with
with 3 weeks of debilitating brain rot
well
maybe im not that much better those other guys in my company
cos
to those who are given more
more is expected
and i havent exactly achieved much with my lot

im bad at goodbyes
but i guess this will be my one of the few chances i get
well
tml at noon
well abit after noon
i guess it will mark the end of one part of my life and the beginning of another
i just hope i will use the time i find better

hmm
gets one wondering
do people who live during the change of an epoch feel it around them?
do they really grasp the significance of it
or do they feel numb like the way i do now?

well CS Lewis is either a genuis or a bigot
but i guess ive only got the bigot part down

anyways
im not good at nostalgic stuff
so i shouldnt try
just to anyone who matters to me
thanks
i may not have much to offer but still

i dunno
i hope to grow out of my fatalist stage
maybe army will help in that deparment
i just hope well
i can learn to stop running

learn to face my demons
well
ave atque vale
hail and farewell
looks like its over for now

dun cry for me
im no saint evita

haha
but really
thx for being with me,
in i daresay
one of the most enjoyable epochs of my life
may ur endeavours be blessed

down these lonely roads a man must travel

for the first time in a long time
i feel like crying

the unkindest cut of all-comes from somewhere close to the heart
seeing you all cozy....
i guess delusions just feel like shit
u could have at least put it into words
maybe........
ive hated sappy love songs,
now i really detest them............

hurts deep

also realised i cant have breakfast with my sis until the last day
gosh things r just looking suckier by the moment
treasure the people around you
treasure the little time you have
i guess ive learnt that a little too late

such blatant foolishness
i care
i might not show it but i do
and emphathy feels like shit right about now

i wish alot of things
wish i had the guts to say out alot of things
wish i was brave enough to let people know what i really think and feel
but its a little too late now

can only hope that things dont change too much
and the few things i still hold on to wont be pried beyond my reach

gosh its over
2 years and now my boyhoods coming to an end
no more acedmia for now
in 2 weeks time
i'll be losing my hair, my pink ic
and much more

freedom
epictetus claimed that only the educated are free
ironic isnt it....
i prefer wad lenin said
"While the State exists, there can be no freedom. When there is freedom there will be no State"
seems more realistic

i guess when things draw to an end, a recollection and reflection
often cause one to be washed over in regret
or at least it is with me

i guess i could have done alot different
said more, talked less
hmm
slept less in class too
i guess one thing i regret would be how frivolously i handled people relationships
well so much for the could have beens
i could have been more of a friend

but i guess like the haunting spectre it is,
its all just possibilities, intangables....
time cant go back
and i guess ive lost the oppurtunities i had
and so i deal with it and try to move on

move on to what
i guess inevitably has run its course
and now i find myself without the virtue of choice...

and for someone who thinks he's smart
i find myself foolish and shortchanged,
on the brink of inevitablity
unprepared and inapt

well, in order to break the archetype that this is a sad blog,
i have decided to accede to a request to do some lame tag thing
well here goes i guess


Layer ONE : On the Outside
Name : Jeremy Quek
Birth Date : 01 June 1988
Current Status : eh passive? single? pes BP? dun noe wad they asking for
Eye color : brown(i'm colour blind so i might be wrong)
Hair Color: black
Righty or Lefty : righty
Zodiac Sign : gemini....... not dragon lah, its not the cheena one
(interesting really, cos gemini is the sign of the twin-double mindedness)

Layer TWO : On the inside
Your Heritage: chinese(dont see how that happened)
Your Fears : change, vulnerability
Your Weaknesses : lack of motivation, pessimistic, fearful, uncommitted
Your Perfect Pizza : portabello mushrooms, mozerella cheese,cheddar cheese, proscuito ham, and smoked chicken on a thin crispy oven baked crust... no tomato base..., a sweet basil and honey mustard sause as a base instead...


Layer THREE : Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up : need more sleep
Your Bedtime : flexible.. 10plus to 2
Your most missed memory : dun really have any, not a nostalgic person, but if any, it was the super soaker wars


Layer FOUR : Your Pick- i think this part is seriously limited
Pepsi or Coke : coke
McDonald's or Burger King : carls jr. lol
Adidas or Nike: adidas- nike dun make all blacks jerseys
Lipton tea or Nestea: coffee
Chocolate or vanilla: strawberry
Cappuccino or coffee: quad expresso americano


Layer FIVE : Do you
Smoke : during exams?
Curse : eh i noe some wiccan incantations.....
lol hmm sometimes i guess, though barely in front of others


Layer SIX : In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: yeah whooh
Gone to the mall: yes
Been on stage: nope
Eaten sushi: too much sushi buffets
Dyed your hair: wanted to dye blue but i guess no time


Layer SEVEN: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: no
Changed who you were to fit in: when i was younger more rash and more stupid(yes there was a time)


Layer EIGHT
Age you're hoping to be married : dun even noe if i want to get married in the first place..... hahah the call of paul lol


Layer NINE: In a Girl/Guy.
Best eye colour: hazel(only seen it in book covers and on tv)
Best hair colour: red
Short or long hair: red looks better long


Layer TEN: What Were You Doing.
1 minute ago : pokemon sapphire lol
1 hour ago : this thing gosh its long
4.5 hours ago : eating
1 month ago : eating... haha no lah hmm, mugging?
1 year ago : playing too much com, shopping for christmas, preparing for xmas event in church


Layer ELEVEN : Finish The Sentence
I love: God, food, lol, dark comics
I feel: numb, foreboding, sian.... wad to do 2 weeks left
I hate: exams, the SAF, most institutions, many people
I hide: almost everything... feelings, propensities.....etc
I miss: better times
I need: a quad expresso

Layer TWELVE : Tag 5 people
im not that evil

i havent blogged in a long time
well they say absence makes the heart grow fonder....
ahaha
so there's my excuse
not that it would make anyone fond of what i have to say but well
everything needs a reason/excuse
so....

maybe having my enlistment looming has made me somewhat of a fatalist
havent blogged because well
i havent done alot of things i should be doing because i do not see the point
i dun noe
nothing seems to really be worth it right now

hai

well, i dont noe about abscence but ive realised that familiarity really does breed contempt
a closer look lets you see all thats ugly
you say one thing, but everyone knows otherwise
your masked smile and painted face has lost its appeal,
the worlds unfair, get used to it
grow up stop asking why and get on
sympathy is old, pity is cruel, your act is tiresome


so why dont i smile?
no it isnt a game,
besides i dun have a honey to smile for

haha
but really
fatalism
why smile, when it doesnt make things better?
sure there's all that crap about peace, hope, love and a positive outlook
if you ask me
its overated
id rather frown when im hurting inside
i dun need to pretend in order make myself feel secure
im ok being the loser, being the loner
being God-knows-whatelse
i smile when im happy
and im not happy alot
its just me and my moods
like a man once said, 'whoever said its easier to smile hasnt met me'
'its just my face muscles, i find it easier to frown'

so there
give me something i find worth smiling for
and i'll smile for you
maybe for some, i'll smile anyways....
but thats another story


u toss your hair, and bat your eyelids,
you glaze your voice and pretend to care,
but ive grown weary of your game
lady babylon will draw you in then eat your heart....

yeah, im selfish, im pig headed
so

maybe i just want to disconnect myself from everything
so it wont hurt so much when its taken from me
like they say, nothing torments like hope
i dun want to have things to cry about on that day
because im scared of crying

yeah

when am i going to stop running?