After Os

promised myself that i would blog after my Os
but honestly, my brain aint thinking straight

i guess as much as it holds a stigma, and the mugging sucks,
the Os was a needed distraction,
got me to sit back and look at myself and problems
and honestly, i guess i'm not so confused anymore,
uncertain, but not overly disorientated or clouded up
now thats its over, well firstly i have to thank God for bringing me through it
really wouldnt have survived without him

now that it's over, i guess i have got to deal with certain issues that have plagued me
honestly im uncertain of where i should go or what my purpose is.
i guess its partly abt which institute to go to
but well, not sure about certain other organizations anymore
i shant digress much on this matter, cos ya dont think it's good to tell others about it
might discourage some

well, it really made me think about faith, about why i trust Him
it also made me consider my reasons for trusting in Him

He holds my future in his hands
being outside of time and looking in, i guess he knows what He is saying and doing
yet sometimes, it seem so much like a foriegn notion
and i begin to doubt

many people doubt how free will can still exists in conjunction to predistination,
but the more i think about it, i guess it kinda makes sense.
if u see God as a being trapped by time, then i guess if he knows what happens then,
it wont really be uncertain and left to choice
but truth is
God isnt bound by it.

eternity isnt the neverending passage of time
is it something outside of it
You exist outside of our dimension, beyond our constraints,
time itself is Your creation,
even the "now" is merely for us where our time touces Your eternity

You give us free will, and it plays out through time
You see the choices we make, before we make them,
but ya, we still make the choices, You dont force them on us
like a story by a writer,
we are Your creation, but just as much as You made us,
we are constant to ourselves, playing out the way we choose to.
truth is even though the story is planned out,
we, the characters still do what we choose to do
our choices if viewed from Your eternity, probably are just as certainty
but in the passage of time, are just as much choices.
well, this i guess is what we get when 3 dimenstionals such as ourselves
try to comprehend the omni-dimensional One

well, part of what i've been trying to analyse,
is my response to conditions, and what it should be
Whether to be the cold dark pessimist or the warm coloured optimist
truth is, as i ponder abt it, i beging to realise that the answer is not in an extreme of either end
extremism of ideals, isnt this what led to so many problems and disputes in history?
in biblical times, the extremes of faith or works led to much confusion and in the end
rendered both useless to the point whereby believers had to be rebuked
God did not call us just to have faith alone or to just do good works, but to both,
and to more importantly, obediance
similarly, as i look at both modals, i realise that both arent perfect
chasing rainbows at the cost of neglecting the darker truths is escapism
embracing the darkness at the cost of love would be misery
what we are called to, rather is i guess like the real world, a fusion of the extremes
to deal with both the love and the pain
after all
both are just as important realities
and exluding one would be foolishness
after all, as paul said, "i have become all things to all men"
in the same way, i guess we deal with each circumstance as is best called for
dealing with the pain with optimism so as not to give up hope
but accepting the fact that the pain is real and might last
while, good times shd be enjoyed without much restraint, while not holding on too tight to it
after all, we are called to be as gentle as doves while as sly as a serpent
therefore, i guess the modal should be based on Jesus
haha
feel like such a bathos(anticlimax)
but seriously
i guess he dealt in a real way with both pain and joy
and in the end still did God's will
extreme moderation with results
ahaha
as dom once told me, dont be a pessimist, be a realist
encouraging to those who need it, discouraging those in the clouds(jking only)
haha
well i guess that is what is called depth,
being multi-faceted but having one common and deep foundation, Him
letting Him live out through our lives in the way that pleases his will.