reality

so much has happened,
thought i was steadfast enough
but a wave of circumstance came crashing in,
and i was thrown about

bitter, like gall in one's mouth
truth hurts, and i guess nobody likes to get hurt
(well, at least emotionally)
people come people go
those i thought i could hold onto now mostly gone
well, what to do
as that song goes cest la vie
what a fool i was to wish i could stay there for ever
well, as a teacher i respected greatly once said
there is a four letter word to get u thru all this: cope

letting go of so many foolish dreams and aspirations,
well i guess thats what growing up is all about
then again as a phrase now generally unknown goes
experience is the mother of illusion

no longer dwelling on the past and the emotions
no longer paralysed by fears
but now i find myself cold, slightly hardened
no more zest or zeal, just a pessimistic real view of the world
no more skip in my stride(if there were any)
now a dragging of feet as i perform my obligations

life neither rosy and beautiful nor cold and unforgiving
rather, a fusion of the extremes
well, i must admit i learnt some lessons
that there's no point dreaming about great things unless i take the first few painful steps towards them
that i cant really hope to achieve much by myself, and that i should learn to pray for grace to do Your will day by day
that i should no longer take faith and trust for granted.
that zeal and passion should be treasured and nutured by the will
that people wont be forever there and i should learn to treasure them

my greatest regret thus far is that in losing the ignorance, for at least what i hope to be, a clearer view of reality,
many reservations arise,
no longer dare to throw myself head on into stuff any more

i really admire those who still can
they, knowing the true state of things can still throw themselves into what they believe to be the right course of action without worrying of stumbling
some may call that fanaticism
i call it faith

hai, well i dont suppose i can have the cake and eat it at the same time
at least even after i find the value of fellowship, of faith, of fervency,
i can still enjoy them a little
i guess i cant really complain.
cos ive gotten so much more than i deserve already

a bastard child treated like a prince
a ragged fool, who u took into ur arms
i thought i deserved so much more
but i know realise i have infinitely more than i could ever hope and dream to deserve
and yet, u promise me infinite blessings.
it really shows what an idiot i have been
hai, well
time to stop focusing on this fool,
and focus on the fool's creator
after all, his foolishness i cant hope to comprehend