confused

a man stood on a dank, damp rooftop
his mind lost in a world of its own,
he seemed unperturbed by the storm brewing overhead,
being caught up in the inner turmoil within

looking up,
the panorama of raindrops falling brought his mind back to reality,
cool raindrops on his face, stung his heart like shards of glass
warm tears, intermingled with precipitation flowed down

the external bleakness,
just served to mask and magnify the confusion within
circumstances like the overcast weather, had shaken him
his principles and beliefs crumbled

looking over the edge,
he contemplated ending the pain prematurely,
but at the last minute, cowardice took over,
and broken and humiliated, he withdrew from that thought
kicking himself for not daring

but then a voice rang out in his head,
"does it take more courage to run away forever to an uncertain place
or to face the the uncertain realities?"
and he knew he had to go on,
cos somewhere out there,
were people counting on him,
people rooting for him
people he did not want to hurt with another act of stupidity on his part

the man, broken and wretched,
a hollow shell of his youth
as much as the world had changed around him
he had changed with it
and now he no longer recognized himself
he had lost his innocence, ignorance and bliss
in exchange for doubts, paranoia and reluctance

but he had also grown up,
albeit too late,
ironically, he began to treasure purpose and beliefs
just when he had lost grip of his own

he closed his eyes and indulged in the storm
for a moment, forgetting his train of thought

then he turned around and headed indoors.
back to the problems, back to the pain
back to the search for his lost beliefs and puprose
only this time, with a reluctant vigour
after all, there were people counting on him,
he couldnt let them down could he?

A fool is a person who harps on how lousy and undeserving he is
and then goes on to indulge in the ultimate escapism,
thus hurting those around him
if he was so much a lesser being than others,
why hurt them in order to escape the pain himself?
shouldn't he rather bear the burden for their sake?

sure life sucks,
but there are others, things, and purposes worth living for
and the person who overlooks these things is one of the biggest suckers of all